Lost in translation
I discovered your newspaper early this morning on a whim. I was looking for something of more substance, but had to settle when I quickly realized that in this town filled with “stoners,” it’s impossible to find a straight-laced paper that I am accustomed to. Needless to say, after reading the first several articles, my hunch was correct. This paper definitely has a drug influenced theme and is the literary equivalent of “toking up” and satisfying a “munchie craving” with Cactus Cooler and several bean burritos.
Anyhow, I was both thrilled and frustrated within seconds when I noticed a quote from literary genius, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. Although Dr. Thompson again feeds into the stoner theme, I am impressed that you would include the words of a true pioneer of modern age journalism.
That quickly changed to anger when I realized I COULDN’T READ THE DAMN THING! Now, maybe Latin is a mandatory course taken in your grade schools here in Mammoth, but in the rest of the world, it’s as dead as the great Doctor is. Your little quote tease threw me into a fit of rage which caused me to spill my latte all over my laptop (this is being typed from my iPhone).
Quickly getting over the fact that my laptop was now ruined (it was a piece of crap anyways), I decided to buy in on your little joke and decode the ancient language. Thirty minutes and five decoders later, I found that this Latin truly is a dead language. No luck at all. I ended my morning still frustrated, with sticky pants (from the latte).
In conclusion, I think you and your stoner pals need to throw upright tourists like myself a bone and at least give us some sort of lead when it comes to puzzles like this. The 30 minutes I spent decoding a quote that very well might not mean anything could have been in your local shops spending my tourist dollars.
Thank you for your time and keep up the good work.
Editor’s reply: The translation of last week’s quote goes something like “The real problem is how to wallow with the eagles at night and then soar with the pigs in the morning.”
As to the influences which help shape the content of this newspaper, well, that’s a trade secret, but … we don’t smoke marijuana in Muskogee.