Categorized | Sports/Outdoors

Anyone up for Cocoon 3?

Rare to lead off with golf, but when it’s the story, it’s the story.

Tiger Woods won the Memorial Tournament the week before the U.S. Open after trailing for most of the weekend, but no one said anything about him coming from 4 strokes back on the last day to win. They talked about how he didn’t dominate.

But when he was winning all the time, they said he could only win with the lead. That he was just a frontrunner.

The experts need to make up their minds.

Aside for Mammoth: Where was KEEGAN BRADLEY last weekend?

Another thing that pisses me off about the golf experts: Phil Mickelson’s lifetime free pass. He was NOWHERE to be found all last week. And where was the world’s putative #1 player Luke Donald? Probably hopped a flight up to Mammoth so he could play Snowcreek last weekend, ‘cause HE DEFINITELY WASN’T PLAYING OLYMPIC.

The biggest golf expert hypocrisy concerns Rory McIlroy. That dude has won fewer tournaments this year than Tiger. But they love McIlroy. Even though he has missed as many cuts in the last year as Tiger has missed in the last 15.

NFL

Why are we hearing about the Jets every day? They haven’t won anything. And is Tim Tebow really anything more than a publicity stunt?

Funny thing is CB Darrelle Revis is now going to hold out again. After getting a new contract just two years ago. Hilarious. The Jets themselves pegged him as the best defensive player in the league and built him up so much that he absolutely believes it. Excellent labor management.

Today’s  WHY NFL EXPERTS ARE IDIOTS moment. John Clayton is heralded by ESPN as THE PROFESSOR for his great NFL knowledge and insight. He used to be considered just a great NFL reporter. Now he is supposed to be some great NFL strategist and expert.

He recently said THE SEAHAWKS CAN REPLICATE WHAT THE PATRIOTS DO WITH ROB GRONKOWSKI AND AARON HERNANDEZ WITH … KELLEN WINSLOW (PART DEUX) AND (HOLD ON, I’M LAUGHING TOO HARD TO TYPE) AND ZACH MILLER.

Today on the NFL network “analyst” Jamie Dukes said the Niners are LOADED with talent now because this offseason they added:

1.  Randy Moss. Overrated, out of game shape and a general ghetto troll.

2.  Brandon Jacobs … a shell of the one-hit wonder he once was.

3.  Mario Manningham … an upgrade over their previous receivers, but not great.

4.   Some rookie WR they drafted.

So based on these additions, they are now loaded?

PACMAN JONES. Everyone remembers the incident that kicked Pacman into legendary idiot status — a shooting at the strip club where Pacman started a riot and an associate of Pacman ended up shooting a couple of people and paralyzing them, one for life. Well Pacman was recently ordered by a jury to pay over $11 million to the victims of those shootings. Now I am a firm believer that Pacman is a waste of sperm, but how do you get saddled with paying $11 million for a shooting you didn’t do and when you were cleared of it in a criminal trial? That makes ZERO sense to me.

To continue on the NFL wage garnishment front, consider offensive lineman Bryant McKinnie, who has made MANY MILLIONS in the NFL after signing a lucrative contract with the Vikings. As far as I can tell, he made about $40 million before the lockout in 2011.

Now when the lockout took place, he apparently talked some company into giving him a $4.3 million loan to “GET BY” for the six-month lockout.

But who’s dumber, McKinnie for being utterly unable to manage his money, or the company that gave him the loan.

If you look at his past, he has had several brushes with the law. So it was entirely possible he wasn’t going to be able to pay you back, got in trouble and got suspended.

Second, that fat ass got released by the Vikings because they deemed him too fat to play offensive line. Too fat to play offensive line is like saying you are too short to do midget porn. The official body shape for an offensive lineman is WEEBLE WOBBLE FIT.

Back to McKinnie. After all his troubles, McKinnie showed up last year out of shape and fat as hell for the Ravens. Blamed it, of course, on the lockout. Of course you’re fat and out of shape if you have no job and $4.3 million to spend on Krispy Kremes and milkshakes.

So, what does McKinnie do THIS YEAR? HE shows up to Ravens camp … again … you got it … looking like Fat Albert’s fatter older brother. LOL.

So now, in addition to the bank making him the loan and McKinnie being on the too stupid to breathe list, add the Ravens to the dumbass honor roll.’Cause they have already paid him a bonus BEFORE CAMP STARTED.

Oh, and the $4.3 million loan. McKinnie is currently being sued for the $4.3 million he hasn’t repaid.

The Detroit Lions are a disaster. They were building a young, competitive franchise, but have taken too many chances and have brought in so many bad character players they have screwed themselves. Ndamukong Suh is a punk. Titus Young can’t stay out of trouble and beat up a teammate. Mikel LeShoure has been arrested for marijuana … twice … since the season ended. And Nick Fairley was just arrested for the second time since the season ended.

It all starts with Head Coach Jim Schwartz (clearly a fan of Rex Ryan’s). No discipline, no class.

Fairley was arrested in the middle of the night after a DUI where he tried to evade the police. He then took this goofy-ass mugshot which seems to say: Look at me, I am leading the amazing arrest race now!  Or, Cool, free breakfast!

It certainly doesn’t suggest even the slightest embarrassment.

I wish someone would take out a bounty on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, everyone in the Saints organization and any journalist or “expert” that comments or reports on the  bounty scandal. Will that s^%$ ever go away?

NFL players are fidiots. They are constantly signing bad contracts and then wanting to renegotiate them. Now they have signed that terrible Collective Bargaining Agreement and belatedly realize Roger GODdell has more power than Jabba the Hutt.

NBA

Chris Bosh looks like Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars. Can’t stand him either. The Heat are up 3-1 and will lose in 7 games. The Thunder will come back. Mark it down.

I have a new name for the craze sweeping the NBA. It’s a great move called the European Step. It’s former name: traveling. Being European doesn’t mean you have three legs so you shouldn’t get three steps.

Poor Rajon Rondo. He arrived in Boston and was able to be involved in their old-ass project with Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen. The OLD Three. He got to view COCOON and win a title. The problem is he is going to be there for the end of COCOON AND COCOON 2 and that ain’t pretty.

Boxing

There was a recent boxing match between Manny Pacquaio and … somebody. And that fight is exactly WHY I don’t watch boxing anymore. Pacquaio beat his ass to death and at the end they give the fight and the belt to … the somebody guy. IT was terrible. I didn’t see the fight live. Heard the uproar the next day and saw a rerun on HBO. Terrible. Boxing is a joke and has been for years.

The amazing part to me is that people are still paying Pay Per View money for these matches that are, in my opinion, about as real as wrestling matches.

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that boxing has no governing body. It’s like they are trying to create a megafight with a rematch of these two fighters since they can’t work out the details for a Floyd Mayweather-Pacquaio fight. What a joke.

Walmart

I was walking through Walmart at midnight recently and was able to buy meat, nails and a half gallon of liquor … at the same time! This is a new thing in Washington state now having liquor at grocery stores and Walgreen’s. I am loving it.

Another time I bought a half gallon of liquor at Walmart at 8 a.m. Life is good, but I had to consider:

1.  That is some convenience.

2.  I may be an alcoholic buying a half gallon of liquor at 8 a.m.

 

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