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The coronation of Atlanta QB Matt Ryan is again on hold, like it is every year at this time. The Falcons don’t have a going problem, they have a closing problem. They go pretty well. Got off to great starts against the ‘Hawks and Niners, but then …

If the ‘Hawks Coach Pete Carroll hadn’t completely mismanaged that game, I could have written this last week.

Even the NFL is tired of the Patriots. How far have you fallen from grace if Patriot QB Tom Brady gets fined for kicking someone in the nuts, but Lion DL Ndamukong Suh doesn’t?

There are clearly two teams the Patriots can’t beat consistently … the Ravens and the Giants.

Seeing Brady on the sidelines with that pissed off look on his face and Coach Bill Belichick storming off after that loss like a whipped little punk ass puppy was hilarious. Then Belichick got ripped by the press for his behavior. The Pats are starting to lose their GOLDEN FRANCHISE treatment now. Funny how things change when you aren’t winning Super Bowls anymore.

I am tired of hearing about Baltimore LB Ray Lewis and religion and his leadership. Blah Blah. I still remember him leaving the scene of a double murder with the suspects in his car and blood on a pretty white suit he was wearing … it still amazes me he is seen as such a hero. It is like the press is shoving him down our throats, like they want everyone to think his behavior since then is enough to make up for that.

He never came clean about that murder and nothing he is doing now makes up for that.

So we are left with two weeks worth of Harbaugh. I wish they could just cancel the Super Bowl and declare no winner for 2013.

Around the NFL 

Former WR Tim Brown is crazy. First, he ripped new Bears Coach Marc Trestman because Trestman (former Raider Offensive Coordinator) opted to throw the ball to Jerry Rice (best receiver of all-time) more than Brown when he was with the Raiders.

Then he suggested that former Raider Coach Bill Callahan THREW THE SUPER BOWL IN 2001 BECAUSE HE HATED MANAGEMENT SO MUCH AND JON GRUDEN, COACHING THE BUCS AT THE TIME THEY MET IN THE SUPER BOWL, WAS CALLAHAN’S FRIEND. What coach would hate his own team so much that he would throw a super bowl game?

Junior Seau’s estate is suing the NFL. For concussions. And the case will be heard right after my lawsuit against Maker’s Mark. I didn’t know alcohol would make me do some of the things I have done. I had no way of knowing.

I know I have covered this before, but what the hell is former NFL safety Darren Sharper doing on TV? He sounds like he is HOOKED ON PHONICS when he talks. Like he is reading words out like you see them in the dictionary. “The Patriots can’t get any \pe-na-tray-shun\.” Tough to sit through.

Ray Horton, the Cardinals Defensive Coordinator last year, didn’t get the head job and threw a fit.

The Cards clearly had one redeeming quality last year: the defense. The Cards fired the head coach and offensive staff after the season ended – makes sense. But they refused to hire Horton as head coach and brought in Bruce Arians from the Colts.

I can understand that because he has worked with Peyton Manning, Ben Worthlessberger and Andrew Luck,  so they want a QB friendly coach to bring in a new QB for the franchise. And I will go on record as saying that I blasted Arians for his performance in Pittsburgh and I WAS WRONG. He wasn’t the problem. So I can understand them giving him the job.

But Horton apparently freaked out on the GM so bad that he got fired. OUCH. Bad move by the Cards. But Horton needs to accept a simple fact. HE IS A GROWN MAN IN HIS 40s AND HE IS STILL WEARING BRAIDS. It’s BIG BOY time and he needs to cut the braids and put on a suit. I guarantee if you walk into an interview with braids for a professional job you are down a couple strikes before your ass hits the chair.

ESPN has already hired Ray Lewis. Why wouldn’t they? They don’t have any credibility anymore. The way they sucked Manti Te’o up and bought his b.s. story, and then after the story blew up they gave him a creampuff interview and protected themselves by saying he was the “victim” … ESPN should come out and admit they have strayed and are going to clean up their act. They should just admit they were bought out by the National Enquirer and beg for forgiveness.

American Idol. What a disaster. How did Nikki Minaj get total control of the judge’s panel? She should have never taken this job. You know how sometimes a celebrity putting their whole  personality in the open so everyone can see is a bad thing. How with some people you like them less the more you see of them? Case in point.

Beyonce was caught lip-syncing at the Presidential Inauguration. Does anyone really care? I can imagine many men in America have imagined Beyonce’s lips being synced to something.

I know they have smart phones but I need a new kind of phone. With a DRUNKASS app. When I use Talk To Text when drunk … anything could come out of the translation.

A school district in California bought several AR-15 assault weapons for guards to carry. WOW! What is the name of that school DISTRICT? THE NRA ACADEMY OF LEARNING? Assault weapons? What is wrong with these kids and our country that you reach a point where you even consider buying Rambo weapons to be carried around the school. And they say they are kept in a safe. But if they are in the safe, folks will still be dead by the time they reach the guns. If you have a guard with a regular weapon, he is probably going to stop the problem just as fast as running to a safe to get a gun. What is going to happen the first time someone is shot with one of the school district’s weapons?

NFL playoffs. Peyton Manning pulled another Peyton in the playoffs. Peyton is not playoff smart. Said it for years. If you need 3 yards on 3rd down in the playoffs … get 3 or 4 yards and keep the drive going. Peyton will throw it 20 yards on 3rd and 3. Drives are important in the playoffs. You’ll see Tom Brady throw that boring pass right at the first down marker to Wes Welker on 3rd and 1 to keep the drive going … playoff smart. And Denver Coach John Fox is run, run, run and play field position. And like I said before the season, Peyton and John Fox are a bad mix. Fox is way too conservative and that will wear thin with Manning. With 32 seconds left and two timeouts, needing a field goal to win, they took a knee and settled for overtime. Then said after the game “there were too many bad things that could have happened [by being aggressive].” This after they watched the Ravens score on them with 34 seconds left. After the game, the Broncos fired their DB coach. A cover for the dumbass QB and the dumbass head coach.

I don’t know how the Ravens keep winning? Their offense is lackluster and their defense isn’t very good either. Teams continue to give up one or two of those Joe Flacco hail mary passes every game. And they get more pass interference calls on their hail mary passes than any team in NFL history. It is irritating. And then a Ravens defensive “Player” comes out as soon as the Patriots hammer the Texans and calls the Pats offense “gimmicky.” I say “player” because it was a third string linebacker talking smack. Every year it is some jackass putting up bulletin board material. The Ravens talk like champions. That Super Bowl win was 12 years ago.

Why is Jay Gruden a head coaching candidate? He was the Bengals Offensive Coordinator. I haven’t seen a thing out of the Bengals offense that would make me want to hire their offensive coordinator.

The Jets still can’t find a GM, because what sane person would want to work with Rex Ryan?

Oregon’s Chip Kelly left to take the Eagles coaching job. I am interested to see what he is going to do offensively. If he thinks he is going to run Michael Vick out there and do that Oregon run and shoot he is in for a rude awakening.

I assume Kelly will adapt his offense to a more QB-friendly approach. But I don’t think he has the QB on his roster to do it right now. But this is going to be fun to watch – the pace. He will be successful.

Alabama  beat the truth out of Manti Te’o from Notre Dame. All we heard during the season was how GREAT a kid he was. They thought he was a hero for the way he performed under such adversity. His Grandmother who took care of him died and his girlfriend died within 24 hours of each other and he came out and played so inspired and courageously right after that. And Te’o got up on a podium and explained how much he loved his girlfriend and detailed how they met and how she visited him in Hawaii.

As it turns out, he had never met this “girlfriend.” She didn’t exist. At best he was having an internet relationship. There was no Hawaii. Now he is claiming someone played a hoax on him.

This guy has no character.

The least he did was tell a bundle of lies to pump up his Heisman Trophy campaign. What a punk. But he went to Notre Dame, so … they’ll apologize for him.

The Bears hired Marc Trestman as head coach from the Canadian Football League. This guy has to be about 70. One report lists a reason as the fact that he used to be Jay Cutler’s mentor while Cutler prepared for the NFL draft. That’s funny. The Bears got Earl Bennett, Cutler’s old WR at Vanderbilt, to catch balls for him. They got his buddy from Denver, Brandon Marshall, and now his old mentor to be the head coach?? How much comfort and how many Cutler people does Cutler need around him to be successful? Will his mother be hired as Team Mom? Cutler is a mental midget and them coddling and babying him is a disaster.

The Bears are going to end up with a QB they don’t want and a coach they don’t want and a bunch of Cutler’s people on their roster they will eventually cut. But at least Cutler’s momma will be there to provide oranges and team snacks.

The Seahawks lost their game after charging back from 20 points down. QB Russell Wilson is the truth … even if Manti Te’o isn’t. But Coach Pete Carroll and his surfboard coaching techniques really backfired this time. Not going for the FGs in the first half was the difference.

The Packers lack speed and athleticism. Their defense got smoked by Niner QB Colin Kaepernick. It wasn’t enough that he ran for 180 yards, but the way he did it?? Every time he got past the line of scrimmage, he was running untouched through their entire defense. They simply couldn’t catch him. Ugly.

Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones has now hired Monte Kiffin as defensive coordinator. Nice publicity move, and a good hire ten years ago, but I swear Kiffin is 300 years old. I think he was Vince Lombardi’s defensive coordinator.

Meanwhile, the guy Kiffin replaced, Rob Ryan, has a mouth which far exceeds his talent. After getting fired, Ryan said he would have a new job in “5 minutes.” He doesn’t have a job yet. The Cowboys finished 19th in total defense and 23rd in scoring defense last year.

Up here in Seattle, Seahawk fans spent an hour on the radio bitching that the Falcons kicker got a practice kick he shouldn’t have gotten when Pete Carroll called a timeout to ice the kicker. Why are they bitching? Because the coach was bitching. I have always said coaches play on the ignorance of their irrational fans and throw out stuff to shift the blame off of themselves. Carroll said the  officials told him kickers aren’t allowed to get practice kicks after a timeout is called to ice the kicker. So Carroll calls a timeout right before the ball is snapped, the kicker kicks it, as he should, and Carroll is livid. I say ‘tough s$#t’ If you wait that long; the snapper, the holder and the kicker are told to kick it. What would happen if they waited for the whistle and it didn’t come? Was the official supposed to jump in and stop the kick? But Carroll bitches about it and moron fan starts bitching about it. The ‘Hawks lost because Carroll didn’t take the points on FGs in the first half and because his defense got burned on blitzes and by putting Falcon TE and future Hall of Famer Tony Gonzalez in SINGLE COVERAGE with a LINEBACKER on the final drive.

As for this week’s picks … I don’t get to pick. Both of the teams I had in the Super Bowl are gone now. And the teams that are left – I can’t stand ANY OF THEM. The prospect of Brady and Belichick winning another one makes my ass pucker, but consider the alternatives. The Niners with crazy Coach Harbaugh – can’t stand him, and that defense is giving up a lot of points now. The Falcons I hate – QB Matt “Ice” Ryan has a nickname he doesn’t deserve. And the Ravens? I don’t want to see them win a flag football title. Hate them with a passion. I still believe if Belichick wins one he will walk away, and then reemerge a year or so later with a hefty slice of some team’s ownership and complete control of an entire franchise.

Idol returns 

THIS … Is American Idol. The first two weeks. I love it. Can’t wait to see that jackass who says his friends and mother talked him into trying out because he sounds so good. And you know those same people who pushed him to do it are sitting at home throwing a “Look at that Jackass” Party and DVRing all this s%$t to hit him with later on. They are gonna show it at his birthday party and his wedding rehearsal and his bachelor party.

I love the first two weeks and stay mildly entertained until late in the season when inevitably that inexplicable vote happens that makes me tune out. Those defining moments that make me not watch another episode for that season … when Tamira Gray got axed … when Bo Bice Lost … when Pia Toscano got voted off … and the biggest Injustice of all … when Skylar Laine got voted off. That was a disaster. That was worse than the Bush/Gore presidential election.

The judging panel …  Nikki Minaj?? Why??? At least Paula Abdul was just a little crazy……..Nikki Minaj is so busy trying to be different it isn’t even interesting. And you know Mariah Carey is going to have a meltdown on the show and do some crack off Keith Urban’s bare ass right on stage. And Nikki and Mariah seem to hate each other already. However, as much as I hate both of them, if they throw down and some clothes come off, I ain’t gonna change the channel.

From Wednesday … Did you see the little guy from The Hangover perform?? That was great. He looked like he was wearing swimming goggles and weightlifting gloves and he was horrible. The funniest thing is he actually looked disappointed when he got rejected. How many of his friends/family were having a party?

And how do the judges say they love someone who makes you want to rip your ears off they sound so bad?? The girl from Israel. I know the shorts were great and she looked like she was a star … a porn star, but the singing was horrible. And if you say you’ve only sung for your parents until this point – not a good sign. Don’t be trying out cold.

Randy Jackson is the American Idol cockroach. Judges come and go. Everyone gets tired and hangs it up. Not Randy. He’s got nothing else to do.

The producers kind of blew the premiere. Too much time talking about the judges and not enough funny s%$t you normally see from the tryouts. But I will be back tomorrow to see some more trainwrecks. THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL. I love it.

First thing … these college coaches making the rounds to 5 different NFL teams for interviews, then running back to their college and getting more money is absurd. Chip Kelly is killing Oregon and Nike every year and they keep rewarding him with more money. Why? You gave him a contract. If he wants to keep holding you up like that just say “go ahead” and see if he is serious. At some point, you have to be smart enough to realize he is messing with you. Next time let him interview and start prepping the offensive coordinator to be head coach. Make the Assistant Coach a Head Coach nametag and put in on his desk. Screw Chip Kelly.

Whatever his name is, the coach for Penn State. HE was getting NFL interviews and then ran back to Penn State because they gave him a $1.3 million raise. What the hell? He hasn’t done a thing and you already have him on a 10-year contract with reportedly a $10 million buyout an NFL team would have to pay for him to void his contract. Who would do that? Next time he wants an interview, buy him a ticket and let him go. Tell him “we look forward to that $10 million buyout. We will use it for our next head coach.”

Now, Power and Control

NFL Coach Rex Ryan’s team was a mess last year so what did they do? They fired everybody else but Ryan and gave him “MORE CONTROL.” LOL. The Jets owner should have his ass kicked in public for being a dumbass. He gave Ryan more control after Ryan admitted last year he didn’t know much about the offensive side of the ball. Now he is going to be drafting offensive players? The guy who’s chairman of the Mark Sanchez fan club?

Andy Reid already had complete control and created a disaster of a roster and team in Phillly and got more control from the Chiefs after getting fired from Philly. So now he gets a roster full of players he won’t like: Jamaal Charles, Dwayne Bowe (‘cause Reid doesn’t like big receivers that can run and catch … just those little twerps), Peyton Hillis and a defense that is big and bruising and he likes … little fast defenses. So you just gave the Hamburglar control to revamp your team. And the worst thing is Andy Reid just went from unlimited access to Philly Cheesesteaks to unlimited access to some of the best BBQ in the world. Having complete control he will probably remove all healthy food and get a personal BBQ expert in-house. No cardiologist in the world would have supported or recommended a move for Andy Reid from Philly to Kansas City.

Mike Shanahan is a punk. And a liar. Does anyone believe Shanahan didn’t know RG3 should have been pulled? I hear everyone saying if RG3 told him he could play, it’s on RG3. Get out of here. RG3 is 22 years old and everyone who’s been a 22-year old male knows they thought they were invincible. My wife has told me many times “you think you are unbreakable” and every time I have said “yep”. Men are stubborn and stupid. So what do you think a 22 year old football player is going to say? Pull Me? Why do you pay a coach $5 million a year if he can’t be the adult and make rational decisions?

What’s even worse was the playcalling. You cannot run him 15 times when you know his knee is unstable. And you cannot run him wide and run him wide and watch him limping and keep calling those plays.

And then there was that embarrassing press conference with Shanahan looking up in the air, looking away, constantly playing with the microphone cover. He was in full spin control,

I cannot respect people defending Shanahan in this. When they took Griffin in the shack, did you see the doctor walking away like he was wandering away from the scene of a crime?? I cannot understand. Shanahan was WRONG. And people know it.

That was a desperate move by a petty man who’s won one playoff game since 1998. And if you think it was the first time………..consider this: watch the NFL network and the story of the Broncos when they won the Super Bowl against the Packers. Terrell Davis was blinded by a migraine. When he got migraines he would lose vision. The team coaches and Davis told Shanahan he couldn’t see. And the conversation is on tape. The NFL shows the tape and the video every year in the lead up to the Super Bowl. Shanahan told Davis “You don’t have to see, I need you in the game. IF you aren’t in there they won’t believe the fake. So just run up the middle and we will use you as a decoy.”

Yeah, Shanahan won’t put a player at risk.

This week’s picks. Schaub isn’t a big game player. Patriots by 2 TDs over the Texans.

The Ravens may have won last week, but Ray Lewis is gonna suck some serious wind at altitude. Denver will cover the spread (10).

In the NFC, I like the underdogs, Green Bay and Seattle.

Atlanta has the 24th ranked defsnse in the NFL. Seattle RB Marshawn Lynch will exploit them on the ground and Matty “Ice” Ryan will get picked three times.

In San Francisco, Colin Kaepernick is essentially an even greener QB than Seattle rookie Russell Wilson, with just six starts under his belt, and Green Bay’s healthier on defense with the return of Charles Woodson.

Who enjoyed watching Notre Dame get their asses whipped on national TV?? They didn’t belong on the same field. And I loved every second of it. All that hype about Notre Dame and how tough and physical they were. They got a dose of SEC reality. Texas A&M, which beat ‘Bama in Tuscaloosa in November, should have been  crowned the best team in the country by year’s end.

Here we go, folks …

Chargers 16, Chiefs 9. The Chiefs have NOTHING. They bring in Brady Quinn to replace that bum Matt Cassel and Quinn gets a concussion the first game. I think he put a bounty on himself when he realized how bad that team is. And the Chargers … wow. Every year we hear about how loaded with talent this team is. EVERY YEAR! But with QB Phillip Rivers in the midst of another terrible season, now all the experts are blaming the GM and the talent level on the team? Haven’t I been saying for years there is not talent on this team??

Broncos 27, Bengals 19. Where are all the Andy Dalton lovers? He hasn’t played worth a damn this year, but no one is saying anything. All the banging is on QB Cam Newton in his second year, but Dalton has AJ Green, who everyone loves as a WR, and Cam has no one and no one is dogging Dalton. The Bengals have lost 3 in a row, no Dalton banging at all. Disappointing. Where is the analyst that said the Bengals were one of the best teams in the league a few weeks ago? Hilarious.

Ravens 16, Browns 13. I would pick the Browns, but it seems the Ravens have had 8 weeks to prepare for this game. Nothing to see here, people, let’s move along …

Packers 34, Cardinals 13. I hear Paul Simon singing, “Slip sliding away, slip sliding away.” Flashback to Week 4 and 5 and everyone said, “Yes, they are for real.” Then week 6 hit. Reality set in. The Cards went from 4-0 to 4-4 in a hurry. Wow. Saw that one coming. Coach Ken Whisenhunt went from genius to hot seat so fast I bet he is dizzy.

Texans 23, Bills 20. The Bills are struggling. Ryan Fitzpatrick is still playing like Fitzpatrick. Their defense is an abomination. They paid Mario Williams a ton of money to basically eat hot wings and walk around the field or the training room.

Colts 17, Dolphins 16. These two teams are being talked about as playoff teams now. Not because they are good, but because there are average and below average teams right now.

Lions 27, Jags 13. The Jags should trade for Tebow. Not because I think he is worth it, but that is how little I believe in Blaine YabbaDabba Gabbert. Gabbert, we can all agree now, is a bum, and abject disaster as a draft choice and NFL quarterback. The Jags basically took their draft pick that year and choked on it. What a waste.

Bears 23, Titans 10. I have lost my patience. Jay Cutler is KILLING ME IN FANTASY. I had to use him this last week ‘cause Fitzpatrick had a bye and Cutler bombed me again. He’s playing poorly and if their defense wasn’t bailing them out, everyone should be dogging his ass. But right now he, with poor mechanics and horrible numbers, is escaping criticism. He is completing 58% of his passes and has 9 TD and 8 INTs right now. His numbers are NO BETTER than Newton’s and he has Brandon Marshall, Matt Forte, Michael Bush and Devin Hester to throw the ball to or hand off to. Newton has Marvin Pitt, Ted Carleton and Loren “don’t call me Mark” Brown at WR and RB. But this week I picked up Josh Freeman, and that is a reach, just to get me to the playoff stretch. I cannot trust Cutler.

Redskins 24, Panthers 16. The Panthers I am too tired to bash. This will be an interesting game. Redskins at home. have said all year that Mike Shanahan at coach in Washington is a nightmare. First of all, a couple of egomaniacs with control of an organization that will eventually flame out. Everyone talks about what they have done there, but right now they have ONE WEAPON in RG3 and a bunch of players that aren’t worth a bag of nickels. RG3 right now is carrying that miserable team. There is a void in talent on that team and Shanahan’s history at drafting WRs is a disaster. You dog a ROOKIE QB for running, but an NFL COACH with 30 years experience coaching can escape criticism for A LIFETIME OF BAD DECISIONS. It makes me absolutely crazy.

Buccaneers 25, Raiders 20. I heard some talking head on TV say that the Raiders are glad to have a franchise QB in Carson Palmer and I almost spit up my bourbon. I pulled up Palmer’s stats. I already know what to expect because I have been watching this bum for years as a Steeler fan. I have always enjoyed when he played the Steelers — he is guaranteed to throw 2 or 3 picks against the Steelers and one is going back. I could tell you before even pulling his stats he had 2 or 3 great years and everyone is remembering those years and projecting them over his entire career and that is not correct. Take a look at this bum’s stats:

Year                       TD                           INT                          Completion %

2004                       18                           18                           61

2005                       32                           12                           68

2006                       28                           13                           62

2007                       26                           20                           65

2008                       3                              4                             58

2009                       21                           13                           61

2010                       26                           20                           62

2011                       13                           16                           61

2012                       9                              5                             60

How are those stats ELITE? Eli Manning has 2 Super Bowl victories, got that, but how this moron can be considered elite based on mythical great statistics is irritating to me. Lazy experts remembering that ONE season he had in 2005 makes me wonder how the networks can employ these idiots. And they NEVER made it to an AFC Championship game with him at QB and they eventually blamed Chad Ochocinco, Tyrell Owens, Marvin Lewis and the offensive coordinators. And I didn’t have time to look at how many Pick 6s he threw — more than anyone in the league in the last 8 years. Seriously, think of a Palmer highlight and how many times you have seen him throw a pick 6. It is dumbfounding.

Viking 13, Seahawks 16. I don’t like either of these teams as a whole. The Hawks’ D is interesting sometimes, but I’m still waiting for the officials to call pass interference against them. It’s looking like they will get away with it until maybe a playoff game, and then will get flagged repeatedly, and blame the officials for losing the game for them again. Love Russell Wilson but still think he has ZERO talent around him offensively. And you Viking-loving experts: where is the team now?

Steve Wyche, NFL network, said this week, “The Raiders should be considered a contender this week if they win and QB Carson Palmer is playing very well.” You have got to be kidding me. He went on TV and said that. What a dumbass. I am going to give you names of these dumbass so-called experts, pundits and talking heads. Promise you that. The NFL Network is losing credibility.

Do the Saints practice defense or does the offense run drills while the defense eats pork rinds and watches? They keep Warren Sapp, who I think is one of the absolute worst analysts and people in sports, period. And now they have Darrin Sharper, and gave him his own segment. He talks like he is uncomfortable and knows he shouldn’t be on TV.

The coaches show with Brian Billick and Dennis Green? Man, can they get a coach that has retired and not been fired from every job he had and can’t get another one. They are losing credibility. It’s horrible. I thought they had to go through training to get ready? Did he get evaluated? He is stuttering and stammering, just clueless. And every one of these idiots when they are stammering and stuttering tried to make some kind of joke, that they are the only ones laughing at, to throw you off. Oh my god. Horrible. And that little cartoon character Andrew Siciliano … he’s a hobbit, no a Golem. When I see him and his ears I keep waiting for him to say he wants “the precious.”

Steelers 25, Giants 19. The Giants play terrible at home. The only thing that bothers me about this game is the whole “recovery from the natural disaster” thing and the Giants rallying for the city. But I think the Steelers’ short passing game and running hard at the middle will be enough to overcome the Giants defense. Todd Haley has done a pretty good job of changing things there. I don’t like Haley, but gotta give him credit for bringing that offense along very nicely. And I don’t hear all the bitching about the Steelers line and sacks right now. Smart attacks with the short passes and hard runs. IF QB Ben Roethlisberger could eliminate that one “what was he thinking throw and sack-fumble’’ from every game, he could have a tremendous season. And the Steelers OLD defense as everyone keeps claiming keeps rolling along. With Ziggy Hood, Cam “Ironhead’s son” Heyward, Keenan Lewis and Ryan Mundy all getting playing time an getting better in that defense, they are getting better by the week.

Oh, the Steelers uniforms … I love everything Steelers, except Roethlisberger. But those uniforms the team wore last week, wow, those are bad. And they had the socks to match the 1930 chain gang jerseys. They call them throwback jerseys. Yes, they should throw them back. I call them throw up uniforms. Ugly.

Cowboys 23- Falcons 20. The Cowboys find new ways to lose. It sounds like an old tired saying, but their act is old and tiring.  I keep beating this one up, but Dez Bryant will NEVER be the player they want him to be. He is a mental midget. And Cowboys “head coach” Jason Garrett needs an offensive coordinator. He is a disaster. He cannot do both jobs. During last week’s game he was calling the officials over to argue a call. They aren’t going to reverse the call and they already have the clock running and he is still calling them over. All of a sudden he stops, probably because someone is yelling in his headset that they need to call a play, and looks at his little crayon-covered play chart and tries to call a hurried play. They are a mess and he is a huge part of the problem. He is a mini-Jerry Jones and his ego and lack of preparation and planning is killing that team as much as his owner/GM is. That said, they can score enough to keep up with the Falcons, and the Falcons aren’t going undefeated. This could be the week.

Saints 30, Eagles 17. The Eagles openly talk about being a “dynasty” and how they are a “dream team” whenever anyone would put a microphone in front of them. And the whole team is a disaster now. Andy Reid wanted and got more control over personnel moves. Then he brought in QB Michael Vick. And defying all logic, he signed that idiot Desean Jackson to a long-term deal even after he openly quit on the team every game he could and acted like a child. He drafted all these little defensive players and put together this “dream team” of nightmare character players, and is still holding weekly press conferences as a head coach in the NFL. The Eagles ownership and front office is a mess as well. If you want to know why teams don’t win, take a look at how they handle their business. When the players and the GM and the owner are always on TV talking trash, you are observing a losing team. And when as a coach, you validate their ridiculous statements about being a dream team or a dynasty, then my friend you are part of the problem. You have stroked your own ego because you want to believe you have assembled that kind of talent.

Patrick Peterson is a safety. I said it when the Cardinals drafted him and I am saying it now. He is a safety. Teams are torching him now because they know it too. The Cards should move him to safety so he can be All Pro.

Romeo Crennel looks like Aunt Jemima’s husband, Uncle Jemima, or he looks like Mr. Butterworth. Every time I see him I feel like I am looking at a clown. Makes me laugh my ass off.

Why do the Saints and their fans and the analysts keep saying the Saints will be okay when Joe Vitt gets back? Is Vitt PLAYING defense? They have no defense. NONE. And bringing back Vitt isn’t going to help that unless he is implementing another bounty program. Vitt himself even protected his own ass upon return by saying “I don’t have any magic dust to throw over this defense”. Hilarious. He just buried whoever assembled the talent, and protected himself. And WHO IS JOE VITT ANYWAY? Why is he so arrogant and cocky? And don’t give me all this about how respected and great he is, because he has NEVER been given a head coaching job and his defenses are not heralded as great defenses. Who is he? The Saints will still suck with Vitt. All of you waiting for a magical surge by that terrible defense, because Vitt is standing on the sidelines, are making me laugh my ass off.

I am watching how people are now praising Alex Smith and Randy Moss. They just said “watch out NFL” after Moss showed “explosion” on a short pass where a person missed a tackle and scored a TD. I think it was Moss’ third catch of the year … and first TD … and “watch out.” Last week they were killing Smith for being average.

New segment: Are You Smarter Than a Bourbon-Swilling Bank Manager? If you, as an NFL player, coach, GM or owner can answer YES to any of the questions below, then you ARE NOT:

1. Do you think that, when your team is down by 14 points in the first half, you cannot run the ball anymore and have to pass to win? (Eagles)

2. Do you as an owner show up on TV more than the local news anchor? (Jerry Jones_

3. Do you allow your players to talk trash on TV, even the ones that don‘t play, such as Aaron Maybin? (Budd…  mean Rob … I mean Rex Ryan)

4. Do you think a 55-yard FG at the end of regulation is a GIMME? (Most NFL coaches)

5. Do you allow your coach to allow your players to talk trash on TV? (Jets GM Mike TannenBUM)

6. Do you think a Pick 6 counts as a TD pass on YOUR stats (Carson Palmer)

7. Do you have Romeo Crennel as head coach? Or Brady Quinn as QB.

8. Do you think when you have a GREAT defense you should actually prevent your offense from scoring more than 20 points per game? (Brian Billick, John Gruden, Jeff Fisher, Lovie Smith, Pittsburgh Steelers for the last 30 years)

9. You own season tickets for the: Browns, Chiefs, Jags, Bills, Chargers, Jets, Raiders, Eagles, Cowboys, Royals, Pirates, Mariners

10. Do you allow your GM to allow your coach to allow your players to talk trash on TV (Jets Owner “Cantget”WOODy Johnson)

Raiders 17, Falcons 30. The The Raiders had a bye last week … did anyone notice?

Ravens 17, Cowboys 13. The Ravens and their potent, high-flying offense with their new elite QB Joe Flacco went out last week and put up a whopping 9 points against the Chiefs. Meanwhile, Cowboys Owner Jerry jones is investing in a cure for color blindness in a last-ditch effort to salvage Tony Romo’s career.

Bengals 34, Browns 26. Some idiot on TV said the Bengals were one of the 6 best teams in the NFL. Ha! This is the tired s%$t these lazy analysts spit out all the time. They are too lazy to watch the games and see what is going on so they just recycle whatever opinion of the week they had last year. If you watched the Bengals this year you would know they are giving up 30 points a game when not playing the Dolphins and Jags and have been inconsistent offensively and have NO RUNNING GAME.

Rams 16, Dolphins 10. Everyone is gaga over the Rams and how Coach Jeff Fisher is building a winner. Fisher is building another team that will average 8 wins most years and miss the playoffs.

Colts 23, Jets 10. Now the Colts aren’t good … the Jets just suck. Did you watch that abysmal performance the Jets put up … WHICH WEEK? PICK ONE. I hear people giving QB Mark Sanchez a pass because he’s surrounded by no talent True. But Sanchez doesn’t suck because of who he’s surrounded by. He sucks because he sucks. Having Rex Ryan for a  coach doesn’t help. Worst part is, their talent on D isn’t that great anymore either. Now that defense is getting lit up like me at a New Year’s party. Idiot.

Lions 20, Eagles 10. How in the world is Andy Reid keeping his job … and Michael Vick, too. Vick was fumbling the ball like greasy nuts last week. And Andy Reid’s playcalling is a joke. That guy has gone ego-crazy – just like Mike Martz did.

Tampa 20, Kansas City 10. Backup Brady Quinn gets the nod this week ‘cause starter Matt Cassel is out with a concussion – a concussion apparently cheered by the fans … altho’ how does anyone really know what the fans are cheering since they’re all so drunk. They could just be cheering a brawl in section HH for all we know. The players need to stop worrying about what the fans might or might not be cheering and concentrate instead on not sucking. Buccaneers … I get the feeling the coach, Greg Schiano, will wear out his welcome very fast and be back in college soon. Too much bad publicity around that guy.

Bills 10, Cards 16. I don’t like either of these teams and they will both be headed in the wrong direction very soon. The Cards defense cannot carry their horrible QBs all season.

Pats 24, Seahawks 13. ‘Hawks fans are in full psychotic mode now. All of a sudden Pete Carroll is an elite coach and the defense is legendary. Hilarious. This team is so limited offensively and the pass interference rules, when enforced, will make the defense ordinary.

Giants 23, Niners 16. The Giants are better on the road than at home. The Niners are very good right now, but cocky. That is a bad mix. Ask the Packers.

‘Skins 24, Vikings 20. Everyone is dogging RG3 for running too much. He’ll figure it out. He figured it out last week … about two seconds too late … right after he saw the top of the Falcon helmet that crushed him.

Packers 24, Texans 19. The Packers won one Super Bowl and just got too arrogant. Now the QB is constantly on TV bitching about everything except actual football stuff. And now a Packer player has come out and said the refs are out to get them. Right. Meanwhile, this is the NFL so the Texans are due for a clunker.

Broncos 30, Chargers 20. I watched  the Chargers get run over by the Saints last week. Here’s the problem with the Bolts. They let all their good players leave, and replace them with guys who are pretty good, but not quite as good.It’s just a long, painful slide into oblivion. And the QB is more mouth than play.

Niners 20, Jets 6. The JETS got a win and people are saying … they are 2-1, that’s all that matters. Get out of here. That was a dismal performance last week against Miami. QB Mark Sanchez was terrible. The defense is done without CB Darrelle Revis, who is out for the year. As for the Niners … wasn’t Randy Moss supposed to be rejuvenated and electric and the best receiver on the team? Right.

UPSET special. Rams 16 Seahawks 6. The Seahawks Defense is very good. But their offense is horrible. And everyone says it’s the QB. I do not believe that. I watch them and that offense has no imagination. No spark. And their WRs are the opposite of 7-11. Because 7-11 is always open. And the playcalling. On 3rd and 8 every receiver runs a 15 to 20 yard route. All two of them. And when they are covered, QB Russell Wilson has to scramble. The RB is a run ’til he hits something RB – 4 yards and a bunch of collisions. TERRIBLE. And the worst thing is the defense will lose some of their sparkle this week. As soon as the real referees and Roger Goodell take a closer look at the way they are playing. Now I grew up on Mel Blount, Mike Haynes, Lester Hayes, Dennis Thurman. Cornerbacks that would be damn near guilty of manslaughter covering WRs. But this is 2012. You cannot beat WRs up 30 yards downfield and the real referees are sitting at home watching tape and laughing their asses off. The Seahawks will set a record for interference and roughing penalties.

Panthers 23, Falcons 16. The Falcons are the rage for now. Until they bomb in another playoff game. Cam Newton is struggling ’cause he has no WRs. I liked Steve Smith … 7 years ago.

Lions 24, Vikings 20. Why, after winning my fantasy football league last year, two of them, would I not draft Matthew Stafford again?? ‘Cuz he is fragile. And he is hurt right now.

Chiefs 20, Chargers 17. The Chargers are a bad football team. Their record will soon reflect it.

Texans 20, Titans 10. Jake Locker. Enough said.

Patriots 27, Bills 24. Bill Belichickenhead. Not the same. He is on edge, constantly trying to prove he is smarter than everyone else. The NFL tells the teams not to confront the officials and he goes after them all day and then grabs one after the game. He doesn’t do anything  without a purpose. What an asshole. I said he would quit after last year. Yet he is giving all access to A Football Life when usually he won’t even let you know if a player is injured. I see him walking away and sitting out a year, then coming back and getting to be GM, President of Football and Strip Club Operations, Personal Masseuse to Team Wives and Ownership of some team. And he will stink it up with his HUGE ego. Bills … Aren’t they in the Canadian Football League?

Bengals 13, Jags 8 in extra innings. These two teams suck. The Jags should have traded Maurice Jones Drew when he had value.

Raiders 18, Broncos 30. How about all that Peyton Manning hype after they beat the confused Steelers in the opening game? Since then he looks like what I imagined for a guy that old, with that many surgeries … his arm strength is lacking. Now I am sure he is on the wrong page with some of his receivers, but on some of those out routes he is bouncing the ball. He doesn’t look that great.

Dolphins 20, Cards 14. I don’t like the Dolphins, but I don’t see the Cards 4-0. Kevin Kolb … once he realizes the job is his, the real Kolb will stand up. Please stand up. Please stand up.

‘Skins 24, Bucs 14. The Bucs are building a bad reputation because of that jackass coach of theirs. I don’t like gimmick coaches. Build a strong defense and running game and quit trying to create fake toughness. IF you keep talking about how tough you are or want to be … you ain’t tough.

Packers 40, Saints 35. The Saints are killing me. Saint fans thought they would be fine because they have Drew Brees to run their offense, but Drew Brees will throw interceptions at will unless you’ve got someone to punch him in the mouth on the sidelines. Consider: if you have a head coach you pay $7 million a year and you can do fine without him, what do you need him for?? Meanwhile, the defense needs to bring back a bounty system again ’cause they need some serious motivation.

Giants 24, Eagles 16. The Giants are going to let everyone know this weekend how bad the Eagles really are. If the Cards put a beating on Vick, the Giants are going  to maul him. MAUL HIM. The Eagles are a mediocre team with a mediocre coach. Reid is a stubborn SOB like Belichickenhead or Shanahanahahahn without the rings. He throws the ball repeatedly while his QB is getting his head pounded in. Meanwhile his best weapon, his RB, runs 13 times for 65 yards. Why not run him more?

Bears 10. Cowboys 5. These teams have two QBs that are legitimately Jekyll and Hyde. Talk about a couple of head cases. I think Romo is better, but every time I defend this knucklehead he tries to throw a two-handed under handed pass while getting sacked and fumbles. He just has to drive his head coach crazy. And his head coach is clueless. The Bears have Mike Tice as a coordinator. I think he believes the football shouldn’t have air in it so you just run it every down. UGLY.

What team haven’t I talked about this week? Oh, those Black and Gold morons. The Steelers. Why does Dick Lebeau continue to change the defense so much when Polamalu is missing. He doesn’t blitz, stays back and lets Carson Palmer throw for 3 TDs. Argghh. It was so hard to watch. And everyone talking about Palmer being great again ’cause he lit up the Steelers. The media hasn’t figured out yet that the Steelers can come up with some terrible game plans and make average players look fantastic. Those cornerbacks CANNOT cover without the pressure from the front 7 and the blitzes so the plan to sit back is foolish. If you don’t have a safety you can trust to cover while Polamalu is injured, then draft another safety.

MAYBE I WAS WRONG: I said no officials lost a game. Then the Monday night game kicked in. And the call was bad, but the regular officials could make that call. And they have. The pass interference on Tate they never call anyway. The simultaneous possession they can’t overturn on replay. And for everyone saying “the regular officials don’t mess up like that” they should check their twitter after Hochuli made a call last year and when that jackass messed up the coin toss in the Steelers-Lions game. So don’t give me that crap. No … I WASN’T WRONG. The Packers lost because they gave up 8 sacks in the first half. 8. And the Packers lost because they had a lead and couldn’t run the ball at all to kill the clock.

I hate when players say “no I am not surprised we are 3-0.” The Cards saying that is laughable. Especially Larry Fitzgerald saying it when he was personally questioning their QB situation before the season.

The funniest thing I saw on an NFL sideline last week was Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow sitting together looking at pics of the defense during the game. I can only imagine the conversation between that considerable brain trust:

Tebow: Dude, why can’t we get color pics. I mean we are the Jets.

Sanchez: Hey dude, when the safety is over the top like that, should I look him off and hit the X or dump it to the check-down?

Tebow: Over the top? Check-down? Huh? Don’t overanalyze it dude, trust in Jesus and me … just run it. Oh … Jesus may not like you. I know I don’t. You better throw it up and pray … I mean hope. You are screwed brother.

Sanchez: Screw you Clipboard Jesus.

Jim Schwartz … crazy coach. Lions go for it on 4th down in OT instead of kicking a FG to tie the game? Then crazy coach Schwartz comes out and says there was a “miscommunication because we didn’t intend to snap. We were going to try to draw them offsides and the ball got snapped instead.” WHAT? But the whole time he is saying this he is looking at the podium and at his nuts and all over the place. Come on man? What kind of outfit is he running in Detroit? Crazy coaches don’t last. He won’t either.

Why do players wear gold chains during football games? What are you sporting bling for when you are playing a football game? Silly.

Michael Vick said they weren’t getting any breaks. LOL. So he gets sacked and fumbles and throws ints like crazy cuz they can’t get any breaks. Vick will never be a great QB. I keep beating the drum and no one will follow. He is a bum as a QB. He can’t read defenses, isn’t accurate and has terrible pocket presence. I bet he doesn’t even work at it still. And he makes excuses all the time. They can’t get any breaks? He is gonna get a couple of breaks if he doesn’t watch some Marino film and throw the ball away.

My best new nickname for a player: Stephen Halfseason Jackson. Who drafts this guy in fantasy? And Why?

Warren Sapp called Brandon Marshall a RETARD. Warren Sapp, a NFL network analyst who just filed bankruptcy despite making $100 million playing and $45,000 a month on his job and has fathered kids by more than one mother is calling Marshall a retard? That is disturbing. Warren Sapp aint worth a darn. He is an overpaid windbag. Why the NFL Network sullies their reputation by employing that guy is beyond me. He is an embarrassment. A Fat, sloppy, not even the least bit funny troll.

The Mammoth Huskies had a lot to celebrate on Friday, Sept. 21, defeating Riverside Prep 49-8 at home for their first win of the season. Senior Tyler Wormhoudt rushed for 218 yards and four touchdowns for Mammoth. He also had seven tackles and blocked a kick. Alex Hamilton had the other three touchdowns for Mammoth. Nick D’Amico starred on defense. Mammoth next plays at Boron Friday, Sept. 28. (Photo courtesy Cheryl Hogan Photography) 

Week 2 is in the books and the picture is getting clearer for some of you. Sorry Raider fans.

Panthers 31, Giants 23. The Giants defense looks surprisingly bad, but it’s just week 3. They don’t start playing ‘til they play the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Giants QB Eli Manning threw for 500 yards. That means one thing: the Buccaneers defense is still pitiful.

Colts 13, Jags 9. This is a great game. If you like to watch two old men dribbling rice pudding down their chins and playing chess in the park, this will entertain you.

Bills 26, Browns 12. The Browns are offensively challenged. The Bills are just challenged.

Jets 17, Dolphins 9. Jets Coach Rex Ryan will confuse Miami QB Ryan Tannehill, then proclaim himself the greatest coach in Miami that weekend.

Saints 27, Chiefs 17. The Chiefs are hopeless, a disaster. They are bad on offense, defense … even Gatorade. They don’t do anything right. Romeo Crennel is about to be fired from his second job, and this one will be his last as a head coach.

Redskins 24, Bengals 20. The ‘Skins have no defense. I don’t know why everyone keeps talking about how good the ‘Skins defense is every year. They haven’t been good for years! And WR Josh Morgan should be cut for doing what he did last week. They are in field goal position and he gets a 15-yard penalty for throwing the ball at someone. Just stupid.

Lions 23 Titans 13. The Titans? Of what? The coach has no vision or direction. The team looks dead. In all phases. And they can’t run the ball.

49’ers 23, Vikings 0. This should be a shutout, a straight beatdown. Another franchise with a bad draft pick at QB that will haunt them.

Bears 31, Rams 13. The Rams are getting away with a lot right now. They’re playing hard and borderline out of control when you watch them, and the officials are giving them a pass for most part, at least for now. Think about it, there is only one reason he brought in Cornerback Cortland Finnegan to play tough. But they are an ugly team. QB Jay Cutler, what a great leader. I bet NO ONE likes to play for him Spoiled all his life and probably hasn’t a friend in the world except his mom and his agent. And to think I ruined my fantasy team drafting that dumbass. I am one of those moronic GMs I write about.

Cowboys 23, Bucs 19. These are two disturbed teams. Cowboys QB Tony Romo was a superhero after week 1. This week? There’s nothing about him on TV. Nothing. How quickly his supporters disappeared.

Falcons 13, Chargers 17. Slow down on Atlanta, please. They played one good defensive game in the last 3 years and they are “reborn?” They had a great game against the same QB everyone said the week before was unstoppable: Broncos QB Peyton Manning.

Cardinals 20, Eagles 16. The Cardinals do exactly what Eagles QB Michael Vick doesn’t like: they pressure the QB and the WRs and they hit you. The Eagles are delusional if they think they can keep turning the ball over 4 times a game and winning. If Eagles Coach Andy Reid gave a damn about his QB, he wouldn’t be throwing the ball 60 times a game and watching his QB get clobbered.

Steelers 23, Raiders 9. The Raiders are the same old team; it’ll take years to rebuild that mess. Did you see what the Steelers did to the Jets last week? Jets QB Mark Sanchez got hammered. Hammered.

Broncos 24, Texans 20. Peyton Manning’s ascent to MVP took a hit with 3 first half interceptions. Let’s see if he’s able to get some redemption against Houston.

Pats 20, Ravens 16. Ah, the Ravens, another team headed to the Super Bowl after week 1, and ready for a reality check. Ravens QB Joe Flacco for MVP? Yeah. Right. An empy uniform.

Packers 24, Seahawks 16. The ‘Hawks are trying hard. Nice defense until the refs start calling pass interference.

The NFL should have a card system, like soccer. Every pass play the QB is begging for a late hit and the WRs are begging for pass interference.  Red Card, you’re gone for the game.

The officials are not losing games. People bitch about the officials, but the players can throw 8 interceptions and make 9 fumbles and one call screws the game. Be accountable quit whining, and put the blame where it belongs.

The Bishop Broncos came away victorious last Friday, Sept. 7 as they dominated the Mammoth Huskies by a score of 56-6. If there was a silver lining to the outcome, Yamatani Restaurant owner Robbie Tani said that he saw a boost in business as Mammoth parents headed in for a bite to eat by halftime. Mammoth, 0-3, plays at Rosamond this Friday. The Roadrunners are 1-1 after a 32-26 overtime win at Vasquez. Bishop is at home again this week, taking on Desert Christian Friday night. (Photo: Lippincott)

Mammoth Youth Football (ages 6-8) won its season opener on Aug. 25 by beating Trona 31-13.

Assistant Coach Jon Johnston said Trona is historically a very good team that has beaten Mammoth many years in a row, so the win was very satisfying.

Ryder Radcliffe and Ricky Johnson each scored twice for Mammoth. Danny Longo had the other touchdown.

Along the line, Johnston singled out the fine play of Alex Villalobos, Obed Cervantes and Jesse Dessert, son of Head Coach Curt Dessert.

Last year, said Johnston, Mammoth was the last team into the playoffs. This year? “We’re a championship contender.”

The team will test Johnston’s faith on Sept. 15 when it travels to face Big Bear, last year’s league champion.