Page 2: Old Anatevka Place

In celebration of Kevin Worden’s star turn as Teyve in the Mammoth Lakes Repertory Theater production of Fiddler on the Roof which runs through Sunday, I will imagine a Mammoth Lakes Town Councilmember “speaking with God” from the dais at the last Council meeting, April 7. (Photo: Horowitz)

Dear God, what am I to do about Old Anatevka Place? On the one hand, we must be favorable to business. Won’t a rising tide lift all milk carts, even my own? Then I won’t have to pull it. Maybe I can just float. But on the other hand, will the rising tide drown my horse? But on the other hand, he’s no use to me now, since he can’t walk, so what does it matter if he drowns?

Ah, I see the Tsar in the audience. He’s a good Rustian. Better than most. I wonder what he thinks of this plan. On the one hand, he must be pleased. He will see that we are prepared to give he and his kind everything they desire so long as they remain fixated upon the capital markets in distant Kiev. But what will happen when the capital markets in Kiev become fixated upon us? Will they let my simple house stand when they can stack 20 in its stead? Will they bring in their milk from the Vons Kiev? Will a simple milkman have a place in Old Anatevka Place? Will the Rustians mind if my new milk cow poops in its parking stall?

What do my fellow Councilmembers think? Ah, I see Lazar is in favor. But he is a butcher. It is no big thing for him to have blood on his hands. But what of the Yenta? Ah, I see she is prepared to roll with the times and make her own match. For herself!?! Maybe she will work for the Big Red Rustian making sandwiches out of processed cheese and Wonder Bread. The wise rabbi. What does he think? What does it matter? He is soon leaving for that lawless region of Renatevka to wrestle with the one-armed bandits.

This may leave just me and you, God, talking as we are now. But we may not be able to see each other quite as clearly as before. I will crane my neck to look at you, but if I am standing too close to Old Anatevka Place, I will see nothing but windows. But craning my neck further, perhaps I will see a few stars … peeking their heads out the top floor windows – like the short bald man and that Jew who used to have that show about nothing. Imagine that, a show about nothing that everyone watched. Ha! Just like the 4th of July parade in Anatevka.

My neck hurts from all this craning.

I wonder if the short, bald man will appear in our humble parade. I wonder if he has any leftover Rold Gold pretzels to toss to the children.

As the good book says, the Babylonians built their Tower with the idea of reaching heaven itself, but were punished by you for their insolence. Do you plan on punishing the Rustians for their 65’ buildings? How will you do it? You used to smite people, but you’ve grown soft.

You know, God, there is this blue pill they talk about.

If you do punish the Rustians and make them all speak in different tongues, just make sure the minimum wage workers know how to take room service orders in Chinese.

But who am I to say? If I were a rich man, wouldn’t I do the same? Wouldn’t I build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen right in the middle of the town? But I’ve changed my mind about building a staircase to nowhere. I’d like to build a gondola to the Village instead.

God, it is time for me to go now. I hear that Fruma Barrett is returning from the grave and running for office. If Fruma Barrett runs for office, where do I run to? Allen Blumer’s wildlife sanctuary?

God, I have a question about this wildlife sanctuary. When Reb Allen first talked of this sanctuary, he said he was applying for a $1 million grant. Now he says he is applying for a $2.8 million grant. This grant grows like a weed. Reb Allen says weed is good. I am a simple man. How should I know?

These politicians … they talk and talk but yet there is no sign of a savior. There are only taxes and taxeaters and magicians with mullets and ice rinks without ice. Tradition!

A press release from Mammoth Lakes Housing …

The California State Department of Housing and Community Development announced that the Town of Mammoth Lakes is a recipient of a Community Development Block Grant Recovery Program (CDBG-R) award.  “Another big win for housing in Mammoth Lakes!” exclaimed Mammoth Lakes Housing, Inc. Executive Director Pam Hennarty.

This is the second time in the short history of Mammoth Lakes Housing that an existing multifamily housing development has been purchased, rehabilitated and then rented back to working households.

With this particular project one of the primary goals will be to add efficiency components to the units. This includes on-demand water heaters, dual pane windows, Energy star forced-air furnaces and appliances, increased insulation and weatherization throughout. By implementing these “green” features not only will the rents be affordable but so will the utilities.

“Over the next month, the State will work with Mammoth Lakes Housing through their environmental processes and special conditions allowing funds to be disbursed. Then MLH plans to work with local architects and contractors to design and remodel the existing triplex (located in Old Mammoth) originally built in 1965.” explains Hennarty.

This funding award is the most recent grant Mammoth Lakes Housing, Inc. has brought to the region for housing, complimenting the existing 78 rental housing units that have been provided to Mammoth Lakes’ workforce households through State, Federal and Local partnerships.

“The acquisition and rehabilitation of this existing complex is one of several methods being used by the organization to create homes for a viable and sustainable community,” said Hennarty.

And the following update came in from Mono County’s 2010 Census point person, Rebecca Garrett: “Finally! People are calling and emailing me … I think everyone in Mono County has my contact info!” she exclaimed. “We are winding down and just about to start NRFU (Non-Response Follow Up). So, here’s the deal: if you didn’t fill out your form, then one of your neighbors will be knocking on your door to ask you to fill out a form with them.”

Mono County is currently at a 25% response rate. The national average is 67%, with California at 66%. “The only county in California with a worse response rate than ours is Alpine, which is at 20%. In 2000, Mono had a 30% response at this juncture,” Garrett told The Sheet. “This is our opportunity to get our tax dollars back into our community. Go figure. Even if you don’t like the government why wouldn’t you fill it out so we can all get some money back!”

If you didn’t get a census form, you can pick one up in the foyer at Vons, at the Looney Bean or the Mammoth Lakes Library. Or call 866.872.6868 and have one sent to you.

“Get counted,” Garrett urges. “Fill it in and send it back TODAY!”