This article will be the clean edition. The radio version. Jet Coach Rex Ryan has ruined the F-word for me. I am done with it. Can’t use it anymore.
This week’s select picks:
Falcons 23, Niners Winless. What happened to the 49ers? I like Coach Mike Singletary, but he fired his offensive coordinator while sticking with QB Alex Smith? And some of his in-game decisions are just baffling.
Jets 3, Bills 6. The Bills had all last season, all offseason and all training camp and they couldn’t figure out until 2 games into the season that QB Trent Edwards isn’t worth a damn. Really? All I can say is fudgesicles.
Steelers 20, Ravens 9. That Steeler D. Whoa Nellie. No Musburger, here. It’s a Keith Jackson D.
Titans 20, Broncos 13. The Broncos will need to start Tim Tebow soon. QB Kyle Orton looks great between the 20-yard lines, but inside the red zone, his weaknesses show.
Bengals 13, Browns 12. The Bengals are better, but just slightly. The offense is inadequate and it’s only a matter of time before T.O. and Ochocinco start squawking about QB Carson Palmer. And then, the implosion.
Packers 30, Lions 16. The Lions are improved, but without their starting QB Matthew Stafford, still not good enough.
Rams 23, Seahawks 13. The lowly Rams are improved and rookie QB Sam Bradford is doing his best to make me look bad.
Colts 24, Jags 13. This is how bad things are in Jacksonville; they just signed Trent Edwards, a QB cut by, well, the second-worst team in the league.
Texans 23, Raiders 11. The Raiders have the highest paid kicker in the league. Unfortunately, he missed a potential game-winning 32-yard field goal last week. They should check to see if Mammoth High School’s Coco Galvan is available.
Chargers 30, Cards 13. How are the Cards 2-1? Who did they beat? Notre Dame? Boise State?
Redskins 23, Eagles 20. I saw a list that had Michael Vick rated as the 5th best QB in the league already. Two good games against the Lions and Jags make you 5th best? People are just stupid. And that offensive line is one Vick pulled hammy from being prosecuted for manslaughter after a good defense kills their QB.
Giants 24, Bears 16. Bears QB Jay Cutler is doing his best to throw INTs; defenders are just dropping them. This week, his luck wears thin. On the other side of the ball, the defense is playing well … but we’ll see how they cope once LB Brian Urlacher slips on a banana peel in the locker room and gets hurt again.
Pats 30, Dolphins 23. Two middling teams. The Pats couldn’t spell defense with a damn dictionary. In successive weeks, they’ve made Mark Sanchez and Ryan Fitzpatrick look like John Elway and Dan Marino.
For all you Brett Favre lovers I have yet another reason to smack you in the grill. The geniuses say Favre can’t win without injured WR Sidney Rice. Hmm. Meanwhile, Peyton Manning just threw for 176 yards last week to a guy named Austin Collie. Who?
Or look at Kyle Orton. He’s throwing to Jabar Gaffney, Eddie Royal and Brandon Lloyd. Now there’s a guy with a real reason to bitch.
Oh goodie. Law and Order Los Angeles just came on. ‘Cuz they didn’t have enough Law and Order shows already. Maybe they should have a Law and Order Minnesota and investigate why the Vikings organization is littered with complete morons.
How do people not use the F word? I can think of 40 I would have dropped already. Think Rex Ryan, Harold. Don’t do it. Back on track.
The Packers had 18 penalties last week. And no one is dogging Coach Mike McCarthy. Why not? What was he thinking at the end of the game? He was hoping the Bears would miss a chip shot field goal instead of letting them score and having a minute and a half and a timeout left. Wow. He must’ve thought Sebastian Janikowski kicked for the Bears.
Eli Manning. Did anyone see him pull his best Aaron Brooks and Brett Favre impersonation. He threw the ball left-handed up into the air in the end zone last week. For an interception, of course. He should have been benched. Vince Young would have been benched. Donovan McNabb would have been traded. But Eli, he stands on the sidelines with his hands on his hips looking pissed off like the receiver ran the wrong route or he couldn’t believe the defense picked it off. Hilarious.
This was pretty good. Felt like the Sesame Street edition. -HH
Swagger: It depends, probably something hard and kickin.’
Sheet: Come on, gimme something.
Swagger: I don’t know … maybe “Start Me Up.”