Things are starting to look real now. A couple of more weeks and we will have a clear picture of the teams. This week:
Panthers 20, Bears 17. The Bears are starting to show their true colors. And Mike Martz’s offensive scheme is “what we thought it was.” If you play QB for him, they should call your position Crash Test Dummy. How the hell does a professional football team give up 9 sacks in one half, like the Bears did last week. Kurt Warner was the only QB who has been able to run it. You can’t have a $100 million QB and sacrifice him like that.
Bucs 22, Bengals 13. The Bungles are back. Losing to the Browns … not good. The Bucs have had two weeks off and are ready for them.
Rams 20, Lions 13. Ram QB Sam Bradford is looking pretty good which is making me look bad. Give it time.
Texans 24, Giants 20. The Giants should win based on their defense, but they are miserable on offense. Eli Manning won the Super Bowl a couple years ago and couldn’t lead the Giants to the NY State High School championship now. Coach Tom Coughlin’s seat is so hot his ass is burning right now.
Broncos 13, Ravens 16. The Ravens escaped with a Mike Tomlin-aided victory and now people are calling them the best team in the league. Comical. The Steelers had the Ravens reeling until they went into their Prevent Offense and Prevent Defense. The Broncos suck. Don’t know how else to put it. And the coach was crying like a little bitch about the Titans playing dirty. Which is a clarion call to the rest of the league on how to get under the Broncos’ skin.
Browns 20, Falcons 13. The Browns upset the Falcons. Falcon QB Matt Ryan is being called Matty Ice again after leading the Falcons to a win over the Niners last week. Why? With less than two minutes left on the clock and his team down and a chance to win the game, Matty Ice threw a game-ending interception for the second time in 4 weeks. Only this time, the hapless 49ers fumbled the interception return, giving him a reprieve.
Colts 50, Chiefs 10. The Chiefs are undefeated. I guess the porta-potty training methods worked. Now they get on the big boy seat … and fall right in.
Bills 16, Jags 9. I laugh at the thought of the Bills owner, coach and GM sitting together talking about the state of the franchise … with straight faces.Almost as funny as contemplating a Jags discussion of their offensive game plan.
Packers 27, Skins 24. The Packers have LB Clay Matthews with 6 sacks and Dom Capers at Defensive Coordinator and people keep talking about how talented their defense is. Note: 6 sacks in two games is trumped by 8 TDs allowed in two games every time.
Saints 30, Cards 12. The Cards are a mess. They cut QB Matt Leinart in place of Derek Anderson and are now benching Anderson in favor of some guy named Max Hall. If Kurt Warner came out of retirement, he could probably get a $30 milllon bonus.
Cowboys 16, Titans 13. A battle between two QBs (Tony Romo and Vince Young) who are dumb as dirt.
Chargers 26, Raiders 20. Bolts win division because someone has to. Lose in playoffs. Norv Turner keeps job. Free agents scurry for exits. Rinse. Repeat.
Niners 20, Eagles 12. The Niners are undisciplined and find ways to lose. That said, Kevin Kolb is at QB for the other team this week.
Vikings 16, Jets 13. I wish they could both lose. I would like to see the Favre-doesn’t -need-training-camp-’cause-he-is-the-missing-piece-to-a-Super-Bowl-team-but-wait-we-need-Randy Moss-Vikings at 1-3. But I don’t buy the jets at 4-1.
… The big news this week. Michael Vick’s injury means The Eagles are back to starting Kevin Kolb, but don’t worry Michael, Andy Reid just guaranteed the job is yours when you come back. Uhhh. Didn’t he just say that to Kolb about three weeks ago? Is Andy Reid’s word worth a bag of gummy bears? Irony: The same folks applauding the Eagles for dumping McNabb for Kolb are saying Kolb isn’t that good and lacks arm strength. Brilliant. No one knew that before?
The Eagles are in trouble. They won’t be able to run or throw the ball now. Defenses will play 8 in the box and not worry about Vick hitting the edge. They don’t have to worry about receivers running loose because with that terrible offensive line, they have to keep 8 in to block and send 2 little-ass 5’9” WRs out to catch.
Randy Moss to the Vikings. Alright geniuses, please advise me how Brett Favre is the key to the Vikings winning the Super Bowl, when he can’t do it without Sidney Rice, and now, Randy Moss. Slight problem with the Moss trade. That area in the middle of the field where the linebackers and safeties roam? Moss doesn’t go there. Favre will benefit somewhat ‘cause he can throw the ball up in the air into double and triple coverage and Moss can bail him out a bit, but this is an act of desperation.
Swagger: It depends, probably something hard and kickin.’
Sheet: Come on, gimme something.
Swagger: I don’t know … maybe “Start Me Up.”