Old and married

Of all the things you don’t want to think about, it should be Brett Favre f#$@ing naked. That’s right. This one has brought the F word back for a day.

You know what? I can’t do it. I don’t know enough yet to kill him on this harassment deal. I will say this: If he didn’t do it, why isn’t he saying “this is ridiculous. I am innocent?” With his good ol’ boy routine and down home mystique, you would expect him to just come out and light up the reporters and the media in a fit of indignation. Yet he says nothing.

Given the Duke Lacrosse scandal, I will forego my wrath until something comes out. It sounds like the girl may have already been reached due to the way she is reacting. I may never get to blast this one. Let’s see if his wife knows the real story and leaves his ass. That will tell you. For now though, I have to let it lie.

That said, did you see the Favre performance on Monday Night? Wow. He was miserable in the first half. And what were the announcers saying … I wonder if he is hurt. He is missing open receivers. Hmm. Every time this dumbass has a bad game, he is hurt.

In the second half, he was throwing the ball hard as hell and grabbing his arm like it hurt. As if he has a feed from the announcer’s booth in his helmet. What a punk-ass ham! He was really playing it up.

When all was said and done, what happened? He had the ball with  the game on the line and … threw an interception to seal the loss. The usual. You can see it all falling apart. They may not even make the playoffs and they are paying him $20 million. And they extended the coach and got Randy Moss – who will find a hard time caring before long. You know what Favre looked like on Monday? A shot fighter putting up his last good round.

Okay, I can’t give Favre the benefit of the doubt. He was sending photos of himself masturbating to a female reporter. On what planet did that dumbass think that was a good idea? Can you picture him, Wrangler jeans in a lump with that dumbass smirk on his face yanking his noodle and texting pictures to some girl he doesn’t have a remote chance with? After all the “I love my wife” b.s. he was blasting on TV.

The worst part is the reporter allegedly saying she didn’t roll like that ‘cause “he is old and married.” Hilarious. From now on, we will call him the Limp Legend.

Select picks

Bears 26, Seahawks 13. The ‘Hawks traded for RB Marshawn Lynch. Good pickup. The problem is they still have the rest of their roster.

Bucs 20, Saints 19. I like the Bucs. They are playing good football. Meanwhile, the defending champion Saints are getting the best performances every week from other teams. And they are not responding.

Texans 27, Chiefs 13. 12 o’clock is here. Cinderella is back to normal. QB Matt Cassel still sucks.

Pats 23, Ravens 16. The Patriot defense is atrocious. But they got WR Deion Branch back. Goodie. That is a viable replacement for Randy Moss. Really, the Pats don’t need Moss. They are content to have that short, spread offense now. And 2nd year WR Brandon Tate can run a fly pattern. Which is all Moss did anyway.

Niners 20, Raiders 16. Only because the Niners can’t start 0-6, can they?? Coach Mike Singletary is still thinking positive. Another man blinded by the powers of the Lord. Hint to Mike: Jesus ain’t watching your games. If he was, he would bench QB Alex Smith.

Broncos upset Jets 20-16. The key to beating the Jets. Throw the ball early and short. If they are going to keep blitzing and playing man, make them pay. Don’t just attack the corners, attack with the TE and the backs. You know their corners can cover. Make the rest of them do it, too.

Cowboys 27, Vikings 17. The thought of one of these overrated hype machines at 1-4 makes me giddy. I think the Cowbitches win by default. The Vikings defense looks suspect.

Colts 23, Redskins 17. The ‘Skins have ZERO weapons on offense. And they had the nerve to cut a WR the other day. If you get cut by the Skins at WR, you need to practice saying, “Welcome to Jack in the Box, Can I take your order?”

The experts are killing me. Every week they change their opinion as to which team is “Best in The League.” One team mentioned this week: the New York Giants. Someone said they were the best in the NFC. Really? This is the same team that got throttled by the Titans and embarrassed by the Colts just weeks ago. Beware a team with a QB as dumb as Eli Manning. You know how dumb Eli is? Look at his commercials. He has a bunch of commercials. In most of them, they don’t let him talk. He just nods and smiles like a dumbass. I bet the team only lets him do commercials without a script ‘cause they don’t want to confuse the dumbass with learning the playbook.

Jon Gruden. Somebody please give this jackass a head coaching job. Please. So he can quit kissing everyone’s ass in the MNF announcing booth to keep himself in everyone’s good graces. Everyone is playing well. Everyone is a great football player. He wouldn’t criticize Jeffrey Dahlmer.

Does anyone remember Glen Coffey from the Niners? He retired a couple of months ago, after playing one year. Promising career and a lot of money left on the table. ‘Cause he wanted to focus on being a minister. Nice thought ‘til he got arrested last week for speeding, with no auto insurance and A LOADED WEAPON IN THE CAR. It appears God told him football was evil, but the church of the Holy 9 MM Beretta was a great place for him to start his next career. Only thing better would have been for him to have Marion Barry and Divine Brown in the car with him. A whore, a 9 MM and a crackhead. That is a ministry worth joining.

That’s it. i am tired and need to be up in 3.5 hours to work out. Maybe before I go to bed I will watch some porn and rub one out and text it to my wife’s sister. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. About as smart as sending it to a reporter.