Grabbing Tiger by the tail

Let’s start with golf. The Masters, a tradition like no other. Well, actually like a lot of others. A Southern, private golf club where a bunch of old white folks don’t allow Jews, black people and women. Not that rare, BUT … unlike the rest of the cracker clubs, the Masters tourney is the sh*t. Love it … especially when Tiger’s playing. If Tiger weren’t playing, I wouldn’t even turn it on, but he was and I loved every minute of it. He didn’t win, but I saw what I wanted to see. Tiger was Tiger. He was pissed off. He was throwing clubs. He was cussing. He was short and curt during his interviews.

I don’t give a damn about Tiger the person; I don’t need to like him. I want to see Tiger hit a tee shot, spin his club and pick up his tee before the ball is 20 feet from his club because he knows the shot is that good. I want to see Tiger hit a 6 iron from 220 yards in the fairway and start walking away when the ball has just left the club cuz he knows the shot is money. I want to see Tiger walk by a competitor’s ball and look down at it and say, “Have you seen that new Super Walmart they built?” And when his competitor says “No. Where?” Tiger replies, “Between your drive and mine, bitch!” That’s what I want to see. The old Tiger was almost back.

Consider this: since Tiger last won a major there have been 10 different golfers win majors. 10! For all his greatness, Phil Mickelson has only won 1 major since Tiger steered his life into the ditch. The tour needs Tiger. They may not admit it, but they do.

Now to the NFL. The lockout is still on and there is no way the owners will go into a draft with all that uncertainty. Think of all the teams needing QBs that could trade or go free agent before the draft and completely change their draft status. The Bengals, Cardinals, Panthers, Vikings and more all need QBs, and Donovan McNabb, Kyle Orton, Kevin Kolb and Carson Palmer could all be trade bait. Let’s see if they can work it out this week. In case they do …

Draft Notes:

1. A.J. Green. Why is everyone thinking of drafting him so high? I am a Georgia Bulldog fan and I wouldn’t draft him so high. He’s fast and athletic, but he’s light as hell. One good hit and he’ll be completely removed from a game. All I hear is how he reminds people of Randy Moss. That alone would be enough for me not to draft him. I resemble Darius Rucker (aka Hootie from the Blowfish), but I can’t sing and no one’s gonna pay me $30 million to hear me try. Julio Jones is bigger and stronger and better after the catch. He doesn’t get taken out of games and plays hurt. A.J. Green will miss 3 months.

2. Missouri QB Blaine Gabbert threw 16 TDs and 9 Ints last year. That’s all I’m saying.

3. Someone said the other day that 4 QBs could be picked in the first round and 6 in the first 40 picks. Really? Are there that many stupid GMs in the league? Let’s see: Jake Delhomme, Tim Tebow, Brett Favre, Derek Anderson, Chad Henne all had jobs as QBs in the league last year. What do you know? I guess there are that many stupid GMs.

4. Bill Parcells just admitted he made mistakes by drafting Jake Long in the first round of the draft and Pat White in the second round. So if he messed up his entire draft. Why is he so heralded? And who will hire his dumbass next?

5. You know why I have no respect for NFL players? This lockout has been looming for a couple of years and people who made a minimum of $325,000 a year are scrambling for cash now. If you make $325,000 and you are scrambling for money it is your own damn fault. If you knew this was coming and you didn’t have enough sense to put away enough to live off of for a few months, too bad! You are a dumbass.

Okay, if we have to … I am tired of baseball already. The stats give me a headache and I am a math major. All these statisticians can tell you 60 different stats about Alex Rodriguez and Roy Halladay, yet when I ask how they did in the playoffs or how many World Series titles they’ve won … silence. Baseball is the ultimate stat sport. And the stats are really meaningless. They play 162 games in a year. Who cares until September?

Meanwhile, everyone is dogging the Red Sox and Rays. Why? After just 9 or 10 games? Let me figure this one out. They play 162 games and if they are 2-7 the season’s already over? I hate stupid people and baseball is filled with and covered by stupid people. It’s exasperating.

Bitch move of the week: is in basketball … Lebron James’ momma got arrested for hitting a valet who took too long to bring her car around. Wow. No wonder “King James” is such a punk, and some of these athletes are all screwed up … they have bad freakin’ parents!

President Obama says he wants to trim $4 trillion from the budget. I can trim about $100 million. Stop prosecuting Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. Idiots. Bonds was found guilty of obstruction. So they spent $100 million to get him what … community service and a house arrest bracelet? And we’re paying for the monitoring? What a colossal waste of my money! I hate politicians. Criminals. All of ‘em!