Genius … or Coco the Monkey?
We are getting close. I have raced home from work to watch preseason football and get my whistle whet, wetted, whatever the hell you call it. I’m from South Carolina … proper english ain’t my thing. But the first preseason games are over already and fantasy leagues everywhere are drafting. Don’t know why. It’s way too early to draft only to find out after your draft that Michael Vick broke his leg in a preseason game. So it is too early to give you my fantasy wisdom. ‘cuz Lunch will use it against me. I will wait ‘til the draft is over and then tell you how you screwed yourself this year. One hint: If you are planning on loading your roster with Eagles, you better draft good backups.
First off … Golf. I used to love to watch some golf on Sunday. Watch the Tiger prowl. Watch the pretenders chase him and smile at him after he beat their asses. But now, unwatchable. I still love golf so I turn on the TV every Sunday to see what is going on, but I get nothing. I get some little rich kid whose Dad is a golf pro battling another little rich kid whose Dad is a lawyer and neither has a lick of personality.
You know, the guy that you never saw in high school, or at a party, or at a bar or with a woman ‘til his parents arranged his wedding with the debutante from the country club where the Dad was the head golf pro.
And I don’t want to hear that crap about how nice it is to see parity in golf. You know who likes parity? People who can’t beat the big dogs.
And don’t tell me they are playing great golf ‘cause the little roly-poly golfer with the Bieber haircut had a 4 stroke lead at the 15th hole last week at the PGA Championship and gagged like Linda Lovelace.
Ask yourself how many times you have heard in the last two years during the last round of a major – THIS KID IS GOING TO BE A STAR. I THINK HE IS GOING TO WIN A BUNCH OF MAJORS. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. Now think of the names. Louis Oosthuizen, Charl Schwartzel, Graeme McDowell, Y.E. Yang, Lucas Glover. Glover – everyone loved his “coolness.” In my world, we call it boring.
The latest name is Keegan Bradley. Take a good look at him ‘cause YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIM ON A SUNDAY AGAIN. EVEN HE KNOWS IT.
The joke used to be “WHAT DO YOU CALL 100 MEN WITH STICKS CHASING ONE BLACK MAN?” That was the PGA tour when Tiger Woods was on top. They need to get somebody black or Taliban to be good at golf so everyone will have someone to hate and chase. Phil Mickelson hasn’t been the same since he hasn’t had Tiger to chase.
I still maintain that Tiger must’ve been on the juice. I think he was ‘roiding or HGH loading. He can’t stay healthy. People hit the ball forty yards by him now.
Now football …
Tell me why Jet QB Mark Sanchez is considered a success. If you put him on a team without a premium defense, he would be Alex Smith or Chad Henne. If you doubt that, check his stats. Hell, just watch him play.
He even had the nerve to do another interview for GQ. (taking his shirt off and doing GQ interviews apparently makes him relevant). In the article, he says he wanted to fight Coach Rex Ryan when Ryan considered benching him. He compared his situation to that of former 49er QB Steve Young when Young and Coach George Seifert didn’t get along. Ha ha. The difference is so stark. Steve Young, a future hall of famer, was great and Seifert was pushing him to be better. Sanchez has a lot of nerve comparing his situation to anything like Steve Young. I don’t even like Young and I was offended.
I watched the Jets first preseason game and Sanchez was abysmal. If I am playing the Jets as a defensive coodinator, I jump that slant to Santonio Holmesand play in the face of the tight end and send the blitz and collect my interceptions. Sanchez only throws that slant to Holmes and short rollouts to the tight end. He is miserable. Take
that away and he’s got nothing.
One expert (apologist) said, “He [Sanchez] didn’t have all his weapons available. He didn’t have Plaxico Burress.” Are you kidding? Burress’ punk ass just stepped out of prison and he hasn’t played in 3 years and he is the missing link? Sanchez is officially Brett Favre now. He is a “great” QB but he needs more weapons. I hope this doesn’t mean Plaxico will start packing again.
Jacksonville got blown out in its first preseason game. I don’t put much stock in a preseason game, but if you get beat 47-12, it means your team has no depth. Basically, you need to cut your entire backup roster and start over. The GM and coaches need to be fired. They don’t have a clue how to put together a team.
This is one of those HOLY S^%$ moments. Giant QB Eli Manning said (when asked if he was in the class with Tom Brady): “I consider myself in that class and Tom Brady is a great quarterback … ” Get out. He also said “I”m not a 25 interception QB.” Hilarious ‘cause he sure threw 25 last year. This is not an anomaly. In previous seasons he has thrown 17, 18 and 20. This boy is delusional. The worst thing that happened to him was winning a Super Bowl. It has completely ruined his self perception of himself. Brother Peyton should call him every day and mock him for this comment until something sinks in.
The 49ers don’t need a QB. That’s been the party line. Alex Smith is the starter. So they passed on Donovan McNabb, Kyle Orton, Vince Young, Matt Hasselbeck … all so Alex Smith could show his ineptitude, paving the way for their new savior … Daunte Culpepper. So you didn’t need a QB but you are now trying out Daunte Culpepper?? Whomever signs him should be removed from his/her job on the tip of a size 12 shoe … and that shoe should be so far up that ass that you can taste the leather in it.
Bill Belichick. Always on my nerves. The Patriots will sign anyone to come in and practice for a few days. ANYONE. Now they have WR TJ Houshmandzadeh and Safety Darren Sharper in camp. They are signing and trying out EVERYONE and the media is giving them credit for being smarter than anyone else.
Me, I see Belichick as a little monkey, Coco, throwing s%$# at the board and hoping something sticks. That is all. Throwing s#$%. Reports are already out there saying the Pats could cut Albert Haynesworth. But if Chad Ochocinco pans out, even if Haynesworth and Houshmandzadeh, Darren Sharper and any of the other 40 people he brought in failed, Belichickenhead will be considered a genius.
I still think he is a little s%$#-throwing monkey and the Pats are desperate. And their winning is over. I heard the Pats signed Jerry Rice a few minutes ago and PacMan Jones. but don’t worry they will both be great and model citizens ‘cause … they will adhere to the Patriot way.
Terrelle Pryor has been cleared for the supplemental draft. And some teams will line up to sign his dumb ass thinking they are getting a steal. A bargain no one else is smart enough to find. You know what Pryor is … that $80 shirt that is on sale for $5. You think it’s a steal but really it’s a $5 shirt ‘cause one sleeve is shorter than the other and it has a grease stain on it.
