The picks this week …
Giants 43, Dolphins don’t even get off the bus. The Dolphins should be fined by the league for impersonating an NFL team trying to win. What they did last week was embarassing and transparent. They were beating the Broncos 15-0 until the owner finally reached the coach on his headset and reminded him of the team’s agenda … to lose as many games as possible in order to have the opportunity to draft Stanford QB Andrew Luck next year.
Texans 20, Jags 13. The Jags have impressed me with their defense. But that offense is atrocious. Rookie QB Blaine Gabbert looks horrible. He has the look….6’5” tall and white, but is completing less than 50% of his passes. Hmm. That sounds like a description of Matt Cassel. Or Joe Flacco.
Ravens 13, Cards 10. I told ya’ll when the Ravens beat the Steelers that that was their Super Bowl. The best they would be all season. AND I WAS RIGHT. QB Joe Flacco? Well, the sun shines on a dog’s ass once in a while. This is his 4th year. And he is completing just 52.1% of his passes. So he’s not accurate. Especially on the deep ball. He drops back about 5 times a game. He doesn’t even drop back, he rolls out about 15 yards deep, rounds off his drop and looks straight up to the GALAXY OF PRAYFORME and throws the ball straight up in the air hoping for a pass interference call.
Do you know why they only have 2 WRs in all their pass patterns? Flacco is too stupid to read progrressions. The only time they put 4 receivers in the pattern is to clear space underneath so he can dump the ball to Rice underneath. Flacco sucks. Don’t believe me? Believe G.M. Ozzie Newsome. Flacco’s contract expires at the end of the season and the Ravens won’t even discuss an extension. How about believing LB Ray Lewis? On Monday night, Flacco threw a pass that was so bad the camera flashed to Lewis on the sidelines. Lewis had a look on has face that said clearly -HE SUCKS. Then Lewis smashed his helmet back on to take the field.
Saints 100, Rams 14. When you buy a ticket and go to a Rams game, do you also put a small rodent up your butt ‘cause you just like to punish yourself?
Panthers 30, Vikings 20. The Vikes are happy ‘cause rookie QB Christian Ponder moved the ball. Unfortunately, he moved it in both directions. Still better than former starter Donovan McNabb, who only moved it backwards.
Colts. Shame on the Colts. THEY GOT BEAT LIKE Bobbi Starr in a Tough Love video last weekend. If I am on this team, I am looking at the coaches, the G.M., the Owner, the President of Football Operations, the Scouting Director and asking, IF Peyton Manning is the entire organization, what do you people do, exactly?
The Patriots lost Tom Brady for the season in 2008 and went 11-5.
The worst part is that Coach Jim Caldwell will take the fall. They will sacrifice him like 72 virgins after an al Qaeda bombing.
Oh, yeah. Titans 20, Colts 16.
Lions 30, Tebows 6. The only thing I see saving Bronco QB Tim Tebow this week is 9” of snow hitting the stadium and slowing the Lion defense. Barring a snowstorm, look for an avalanche of Lion TDs. Currently, there is NO snow in forecast. If you wake up Sunday and there is snow in Denver … then, as I suspected, religion is a waste of time and even Jesus is a Tebow fan.
Bills 30, Redskins 10. QB John Beck has now been personally anointed savior by the Duo of Shanahan idiots in Washington.
The Shanahans, however, are trumped this week by Bill RB Fred jackson, who has been personally anointed as the savior of Lunch’s fantasy football team.
Bengals 24, Seahawks shouldn’t be allowed to be on TV anymore. DirecTV because a steady diet of Seahawk games will force any sane man to buy the NFL pacakge.
‘Hawk fans bitched and moaned for weeks WE WANT WHITEHURST. CHARLIE WHITEHURST. CLIPBOARD JESUS.
They got him last week. And he produced 3 points against the Browns.
Browns 23, Niners 20. Niner QB Alex Smith is that storm cloud. You see it on the horizon. You know it’s coming. And when it does, you kick yourself in the ass for not carrying an umbrella.
Steelers 24, Patriots 21. That’s right. The Steelers will start 9 CBs and pick off Brady 3 times. Unless … One potential fly in the ointment. Steeler QB Ben Rottenburger. Inmate Number 7. Overall his numbers are good, but he’s too inconsistent. 8 TD passes in two games. 4 TD passes in the other 5 games.
Cowboys 27, Eagles 16. The Cowboys should blitz Eagle QB Michael Vick relentlessly. Vick is not a QB. I don’t know how many times I need to say it.
Chiefs 13, Chargers 20. The Philip Rivers love affair is about over. He is regressing. Coach Norv Turner needs to go. Change of scenery required.
If you believe in Tebow, I am going to save you some money right now. Think of him as Netflix stock and SELL EVERY SHARE.
The Raiders actually put QB Carson Palmer in the game. The funny thing is he did exactly what he has done the last 3 years. People said it wasn’t fair to throw him out there without proper preparation. Funny. To me it looked like he was in midseason form.
The Bengals, building a good, young team decide to sign the oft-troubled PacMan Jones. Dumb. When you have people like that on your roster, you lose all credibility. What has PacMan done the last 4 years to justify a roster spot?
Terrell Owens had a workout this week and NO TEAM sent a representative. How depressing is that?
The NFL is very obvious about what they are doing. They have told the officials to open the game up offensively by removing all leeway from the defensive players, and the officials are throwing flags like PacMan tossing bills at an all night strip club. The league should just admit they want to play flag football. No physicality allowed. Unless you are Jet CB Darrelle Revis. He can do whatever he wants.
Today on TV someone said if the Rams get the number one overall pick they don’t need a QB so they will trade the pick. And why would they do that? Because they drafted Sam Bradford #1 two years ago? So Bradford is better than Luck? Prediction: Next year that same expert will crush the Rams when they bench Bradford after passing on Luck.
CB Asante Samuel attacked Eagles management this week. Samuel had the best assessment I have heard about the Eagles, other than mine, when he said the Eagles front office thinks it is playing “fantasy football” with the team. Dead on.
World Series: Cardinal manager Tony LaRussa, media-proclaimed genius, threw his whole team under the bus after game five. After he calls for the wrong pitcher during a World Series game, he tells the TV cameras postgame that the bullpen coaches sent the wrong pitcher in. He said he called for MOTTE and they misunderstood due to noise or whatever and sent in Lynne. Yeah, I see that. You could easily mix up those names.
Finally … a man recently set fire to his house to get rid of in-laws. I can relate to his pain. The mere thought of living with the in-laws, in their house or mine, brings chills. BUT DAMN. You have to got to have some special pain brewing to do that. With my in-laws, I have dealt with all sorts of miserable interferences – natural foods with no taste, flouride discussions, the government trying to poison us, etc. … hold on … where are the matches?