While the NFL is in preseason, Hartley is in midseason form
Sheet columnist to Cowboy fans … as long as Jones owns the team, you will suffer.
I am gonna give you some preseason tidbits you should already know … but I imagine you’ll continue to marinate in your unbridled, misguided, hope and optimism free agency, the draft and football with no pads tends to foster.
1. The Falcons still have no defense. The Dolphins led by Peyton Manning clone Ryan Tannehill (oh, sense the sarcasm)) raced through that defense like butter last week.
2. If you have Steven Jackson on your team you might as well make his jersey number:
a) IR (for Injured Reserve) cuz he will spend some time on that list
b) Q (Questionable) cuz he will be on that list every week he isn’t on IR
c) D (Doubtful) doubtful you will get a thing out of him.
3. Jerry Jones will get plenty of airtime. He will lead every press conference, discuss player moves, player suspensions, team changes in offensive and defensive philosophy … basically he doesn’t need a Coach, GM, PR Department, Offensive or Defensive Coordinators, waterboy or team doctor. He should officially change the name of the head coach position to Pinocchio and dub himself the Gepetto of Football Operations. .500 would be a generous prediction for the Cowboys.
4. Ryan Fitzpatrick cannot be your starting QB … unless you are playing for draft position to draft your next franchise QB. And to think the Texans won 12 games two years ago …
6. Dumbass OLD SCHOOL coaches … will sink your franchise. Jeff FIsher, Lovie Smith and Bill O’Brien. Old school coaches who don’t adapt are doomed to failure. Bill O’Brien gets the job in Houston and names Ryan Fitzpatrick the starting QB. Seriously? He is a career Interception machine. The GM should have told him the minute he suggested it … HELL NO. Here’s return fare to Penn State. Lovie Smith comes to Tampa after getting run out of Chicago for presiding opver a lifeless corpse of an offense. So what does he do? He names Josh McCown his starting QB and benches Mike Glennon, the guy they drafted last year to be the QB of the future. Now Glennon ain’t a superstar but he was solid and McCown is a 45-year journeyman with ONE good HALF a year under his belt Lovie is on my list of dumbass coaches before the year even starts.
Ryan Mallett. The Patriots tried to sucker some teams into trading for their backup QB by starting him in the first preseason game. Problem … when you start, you play against the other team’s first stringers. Predictably, he was abysmal. I laughed out loud a few times. He winds up like Byron Leftwich … but even slower, and he throws passes that ALWAYS have a downward trajectory. Then …. oh s*$t, I can’t stop laughing, replaying it in my mind … he ran 4 yards and tried to slide and looked like a T-ball player who just started playing baseball. He slid, jammed his knee in the ground and toppled forward. Then got up in pain, adjusting his knee. This was Mark Sanchez butt-fumble worthy. They should have brought him in against the 2nd and 3rd stringers to perpetuate the myth. The myth is now shattered.
The NFL is cracking down on defensive backs holding. If they would have done that last year, the Seabitches would have not won the Super Bowl.
The crackdown should have a detrimental impact on ballyhooed Patriots acquisition Darrelle Revis. He’s not fast and has lived on holding and grabbing for years – Including the time he grabbed his hamstring after getting burnt by Randy Moss. Meanwhile, they’ll get the other Pat CB Browner for grabbing a joint and the Pats will be down 2 DBS. But the Pats play in the AFC East so they are guaranteed 6 wins this year … but I will slow down on that one. My preseason predictions are next week. But I can’t resist telling you the experts know nothing when it comes to the Rams. With NOBODY at QB. Zac Stacy at RB and Herk and Jerk at WR, they’re not gonna do squat.
Did I mention how much I can’t stand Ram coach Jeff Fisher. He’s so mediocre he should run for Mammoth Lakes Town Council.
Somebody tell former Steeler WR and new Denver Bronco Emmanuel Sanders to SHUT UP. A guy with career highs of MAYBE 70 receptions and 6 TDs in a season should not be mouthing off to the media. Why? Because they are going to DESTROY him when he inevitably sucks, even with Manning at QB. He is dumb as a stump.
The Texans lost a preseason game 32-0. I don’t thing preseason games mean squat. But how do you fail to score a single point in a preseason game? Even the 3rd and 4th stringers got dominated.
Nick Foles and the Eagles are being touted as Super Bowl favorites according to the esteemed Cris Collinsworth. Personally, I am glad Coach Chip Kelly invented offensive football. Before he came along … the NFL was just lost. Thanks Chip Kelly. Thanks again.
Johnny Manziel. Oh, I don’t want to talk about him … but they keep giving me ammunition. Last week his preseason game drew RECORD television ratings. And you know why? Manziel lovers tuned in to see him prove their sad, sad, misguided perception that he will excel. And Manziel haters tuned in to see him crash and burn. I am of the belief that the spoiled little miscreant will be a crash and burn mission. He will look OUTSTANDING at times, but in total, he will be a mess. He doesn’t have the mental makeup to lead MEN. In college, some of those dumbass teammates thought he was great, while they wore their pants sagging so everyone could see their underwear. But grown professional men will destroy him ‘cause he is a mental midget.
Yet the public is intrigued. You have to be. I didn’t see it because I have seen it before. To be an NFL QB you need maturity and professionalism. Those with EXTREME talent (Vince Young, Michael Vick, Joe Gilliam, Akili Smith, etc.) but not the professionalism and maturity (same list) will fail. It’s that simple. And Manziel is on that list. The funny thing about Manziel is, he is almost an honorary BLACK MOBILE QB, I think that is what makes him so polarizing. Supreme athletic ability and a sort of hip hop persona that drives most white folks crazy with the trash-talking and money obsession. He is the Bill Clinton of football. Some white folks want him to succeed like Eminem and some hate him because he is too black-like. This will be an entertaining mess and I will enjoy it.
NBA. Pacers All-Star Paul George got hurt in an exhibition game trying out for the national team. I am gonna go on record AGAIN and say … if I owned a team I would pay my players NOT to play in these things. Call me unpatriotic. Don’t care. I pay someone $60 million and he breaks a leg in a game that doesn’t matter? Screw that. Not gonna happen.
Two weeks ago now, I had the time of my life. Got to see a place I thought was mythical … Mammoth Lakes, California. I gotta tell you, I love that place. The people were all tremendous. I guess you have to be when you are a tourism town.
A highlight of the trip. – The Breakfast Club. I will always have a place in my heart for the Breakfast Club. Tremendous staff, tremendous menu, topped off by a morning LIQUOR LICENSE. Sold. Done
Special mention to Lakanuki. Great folks. Great food. Great owner. My only regret was that I didnt get back there for a second visit. I gotta tell you Lakanuki was not lacking for sights in the staff.
I must confess I was freaked out a bit by the mention of a bear every time I turned around. But Mammoth showed well and I will be back next year for another round. A blast and then some.
