NFL: Take these picks to Vegas
By now you have had your Fantasy Football draft. You went in thinking you would get: Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles, Calvin Johson, Brandon Marshall, Jimmy Graham and the Seahawks Defense. You ended up with: Peyton Manning, Doug Martin, Rashad Jennings, Antonio Brown, Cordarrelle Patterson, Martellus Bennett and the Rams Defense. But don’t fret. You can win with a balanced roster. And next year if you get the first overall pick … give it back. That first pick you get the ONE player you want, and then you don’t pick again for 19 picks. But I digress …
Cleveland WR Josh Gordon got a one year suspension. And yes, I agree that based on the fact that dumbass RayRay Rice knocked his wife out and only got 2 games, the suspension seems wrong. BUT … if he can’t stop using pot and alcohol, getting DUIs and hanging out with felons, he should be suspended. He is a dummy. But I am gonna blast the Browns and the bleeding hearts who feel sorry for them. The league waited too long to suspend him – quit whining. The league gave him too much time – boo hoo. He “barely” failed the test and it may have been compromised – shut up. He got caught on a drug test, then while awaiting his fate, he tacked on a DUI as well. The kid needs help. Not the NFL’s fault. The team’s fault. They have him, and either they can’t or won’t control him. B
Consider … where did the Browns get Josh Gordon from?? In the supplemental draft. Because he wasn’t eligible for the regular draft. Because he had so many personal issues in college. So when you drafted him, you knew he was project. You took a chance and he flashed some brilliance and you thought you won. Then he got suspended last year. Then he got in trouble again this year. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 15 times and I should scrub my own nuts with brillo and dunk them in rubbing alcohol.
The other issue with the Browns is they validate poor behavior on their team by drafting that idiot from Texas A&M with all of his issues. They validate bad behavior by inviting more of it to suit up. Onto the picks …
AFC NORTH
Steelers 12-4. The offense continues where it left off last year and the defense returns to DOMINANCE.
Bengals 10-6. They are mediocre and overrated. That doesn’t change. Marvin Lewis gets a contract extension to continue the run of NOTHING in Cincy. They haven’t won a playoff game in 24 years.
Ravens 9-7. Overpaid QB, Wife-beating RB. The run is over.
Browns 5-11. You’ve already heard it.
AFC WEST
Broncos 12-4. Jughead Manning will put up some numbers. Defense has a lot of new people who haven’t played together.
Chargers 10-6. They can score enough to win some games. Manti Te’o even has a new girlfriend I hear, but apparently she lives in Canada.
Chiefs 8-8. Andy The Hamburglar Reid eats Alex Smith after he realizes SMITH IS WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS as Dennis Green would say. That defense that was great the first half of last year imploded down the stretch. Expect that to continue. Andy Reid has a way of ruining defenses.
Raiders 0-16. Their GM should be fired for channeling Al Davis. You can’t go back to 1975 and bring in every old-ass castoff from other teams and trying play some “pirate” game. They are a mess. Actually 5-11.
AFC EAST
This division needs to be reshuffled. OR they should take a page from Premier League soccer and RELEGATE the Bills and Dolphins and Jets to the NCAA and bring up 3 teams from the NCAA to replace them.
Pats 11-5. They aren’t that good … but they get 6 wins guaranteed against the Bills, Dolphins and Jets.
Jets 8-8. I think Geno Smith will have a decent year this year. I really do. But they have a HORRIBLE head coach.
Dolphins 6-10. My review of them will be as boring as their season on HBO’s Hard Knocks.
Bills 3-13. QB E.J. Manuel is not the answer. He looks bad. And this team is poorly put together. They have a bunch of players who SHOULD be good, but they don’t use them right (CJ Spiller) or they don’t impress (defensive).
AFC SOUTH
Colts 11-5. Yeah, they win 11 games. They play some bad teams and can score despite a POOR running game. They let their best RB go in Donald Brown to try and validate their trade of a 1st round pick for Trent Richardson and now their backup RB is out for the season with an injury. Oops.
Texans 7-9. Their defense is good enough to win some games. But starting Fitzpatrick at QB is a disaster.
Titans 6-10. Jake Locker isn’t the answer … he isn’t even the footnote. He will be on IR by week 4. They have a rookie and Charlie Whitehurst behind him. IF Locker gets hurt, just play the rookie. He is better right now than Whitehurst. Anyone reading this is better than Whitehurst.
Jaguars 6-10. I think the Jags defense will surprise everyone. Their offense will not.
NFC EAST
Eagles 10-6. I don’t think QB Nick Foles will have the year he had last year, but this division is WEAK.
Redskins 8-8. And that is a stretch. But they have enough running game to keep some games close. Just need to pull out a couple of close ones. RG3 will be on bench by game 4 either because his dumbass gets his head knocked off running the ball or because someone throat punches the arrogant punk just for fun. Backup Kirk Cousins will AVERAGE his way to an 8-8 season amid much too much hype.
Giants 5-11. I think they will be abysmal. They are bad on offense and defense. The QB looks like garbage and NO ONE is blaming him. A mess.
Cowboys 7-9. They can score. I will give them that. But they have injuries and a jackass for an owner.
NFC NORTH
There will be some points scored in this division … like Arena football.
Packers 11-5. Great offense, bad defense. ‘Nuff said. Oh, Eddie Lacy … man put on some lotion and some chapstick before the game, man. You look ashy like Pookie in New Jack City.
Bears 10-6. QB Jay Cutler has terrible mechanics but their WRs look like the centers for LA Clippers. I can’t remember a bigger tandem of WRs with speed and agility. Wow. Defense?
Vikings 5-11. Starting Matt Cassel. Why? He is a career mediocre-to-pitiful QB. You know you won’t go anywhere with him. Start Bridgewater. IF you don’t start him this year, you have him sit, lose 11 game, and then he has to learn on the field next year while you lose again? Why blow two years? Play Teddy.
Lions 5-11. Too much optimism for this horrible defensive team. They had a historically bad defense last year and they drafted another TE in the first round to go with the two they already have. Then they let their best DB go. Don’t get it.
NFC SOUTH
Saints 11-5. Too much offense to not win 11 games. They lost RB Sproles which will hurt, but they have enough weapons.
Bucs 9-7. Yeah I said it. They will play tight, low-scoring games and their defense should be much better. Now they will be Lovie Smith mediocre, but that’s better than Greg Schiano Anything. But start Glennon. Josh McCown is not the next Jim Plunkett.
Panthers 8-8. I see a big fall for them. Their defense gave up 4 points a game, which was needed because the offense could only score 5. And they let go of their CB, Safety and one of their DL is about a Josh Gordon day away from his own suspension for owning a small arsenal that would make al Qaeda proud. Then on offense they let their 3 best WRs go and………they are gonna slip and could go lower than 8 wins. I gave them 8 ‘cause I am sick of people bashing QB Cam Newton. He should go Lebron on them and take his talents elsewhere.
Falcons 5-11. I don’t see the optimism here. They brought back RB Steven Jackson who is the Chrs Chandler of RBs. Injured on the first episode of Hard Knocks. That is the one where all they do is hand out your name tags and dorm rooms. He pulled a hamstring and an oblique muscle on the toilet. Their defense still looks like garbage.
NFC WEST
Seabitches 12-4. I still think their offense is limited, but their defense looks good again. Barring injuries and because of that ridiculous home field advantage, they will win 12 games.
Cards 8-8. Mediocre. Good defense that will be tested this year by injuries and suspensions. And Carson “P6” Palmer – the P6 stands for Pick 6 – will throw his share of game-changers to the other team. Andre Ellington is a nice little back. Hoper you have 3 of him, because he will take a beating.
Niners 8-8. I see them sliding. Kaepernick isn’t progressing. The defense will not be as good. And Stevie Johnson is more hype and trouble than performance. Crabtree has Sherman in his head. Bad year.
Rams 5-11. They may be better without Bradford at QB. He sucks. He should retire now. The defense should be good, but it won’t matter. I am a Shaun Hill fan though and if he can work with that miserable offensive talent, they can go 8-8. But they lack weapons. What did they do with all those draft picks they got from the RG3 trade?
