MICRO MAN

Published in the September 13, 2025 edition.

I’m always more than willing to take some advice or wisdom offered by my betters or those who should know better than a schlub like me so I’m glad the high and mighty powerful and prestigious Washington Post hit me right between the eyes with some tips and tricks that target my seeming inability to keep a tidy little house and what do you know it’s not that hard according to the big brained units in DC who dispense insights on everything from the state of the nation to how to keep your large thighs from rubbing and chaffing in the hot and humid East Coast weather so you bet I paid attention to the august publication’s admonition and clear direction that micro-organizing is the key to keeping a tidy home because I have a micro brain and a micro attention span and a micro budget which puts me squarely in the micro club so it’s a no brainer that I would ponder the big ideas about improving my dusty little cluttered living space which is a cross between a man cave and a college dorm room and an absent-minded writer’s warren which by the way is a great word to describe a bit of a creative mess that despite outward appearances and years of slovenly housekeeping will miraculously become as immaculate as an Apple store but probably not as hip and bright and shiny but that’s okay because the folks at the Washington Post are really pulling for us little people out in the hinterlands also called fly over country because we’re nothing but lost and sorry souls inhabiting flat-land prairies with a sprinkling of mountains and some desert for diversity and some cows which we can’t forget because everyone loves cows and their big brown eyes and there you have another reason I just can’t seem to get going on the micro-organizing despite the cheerleading from the East Coast elites who want me to be happy as I ply my little life in my minimalist living quarters that indeed do need a bit of attention so I will duly turn my attention to the suggestions on the micro tidy operation but not the first one which is to do something while doing something else like cleaning the toilet while brushing your teeth and I’m not making that up it’s in the article but I’ll pass on that one since I am not ambidextrous so I can only handle one brush at a time without making a mess which will need to be cleaned up eventually and therein is problem number two the famed excuse of getting around to something later or when I feel like it or when the moon cycle is right or when my rascal kids decide it’s time for the monthly two-word text to dear old dad which would spark a sense of urgency when looking around my domicile and thinking I should really tidy up on the off chance those kids will actually stop flying over and drop in only to find my micro tasks have fallen short so now I’m back into the tidy tips and what do you know at the top of the list is to make a list of what you should tidy up which makes sense unless the list is as long as your arm and traumatizes me as much as a horrid nightmare about going to the Tri-County Fair only to eat Lion’s Club hot dogs only to find out they are out of hot dogs and my whole body shudders until I come out of the nightmare and while lying in a puddle of nightmare flop sweat ponder why the Lions are the civic club that seems to have exclusive rights to do hot dogs hamburgers pancake breakfasts and beer until I realize maybe it is actually time to change my sheets which is what I promptly put on the list and promptly got started doing by looking in my closet and what do you know there was my 2017 Carson & Colorado Railway tee-shirt that I thought I had left in the train barn so that’s a win right off the bat and as luck would have it taking a shot at doing some small job in the closet is also on the list so another winner was putting the t-shirt on top of the stack where it belongs because blue is a good color for me especially when I’m basking in the glow of victory in the tidy war which is rejuvenating to say the least and recharges me for another tidy task which if the long list is right should be doing something about the junk drawer which is a great idea but I can’t open the junk drawer because a hammer and roll of duct tape got sideways and blocked the drawer which does not deter me from my mission but does take some wind out of my sails so it’s time to regroup and rethink this whole micro-organizing operation by moving the stack of magazines and books off half my couch in another micro-win and curling up on the newly unencumbered couch and calmly and confidently taking a maxi-nap.  

Jon Klusmire of Bishop is looking in his closet for some commas and maybe even a period or two.