READY, SET, CHUG

“You’re totally allowed to throw up and keep going.  Last year we had trash cans everywhere,” said Village Event Staff Joey Gibbs in anticipation for this year’s Tuff Beer Mile, held last Friday. There were trash cans out ready, but only one person took the opportunity to hurl. Most grimaced through the three beers required to finish the race, using the laps in between to mentally prepare for the next beer. Many choked back foam and appeared to be ever-so-close to tossing their cookies, keeping it together long enough to finish the event. One brave soul shotgunned all three of his beers. 

Contestant #88 Michelle Miya won hearts by quickly realizing chugging three beers was no small feat, at least for her. “How are people drinking so fast,” she pondered outloud. “You got this,” the crowd responded, cheering for her getting louder each time she came back around. By the third lap, Miya elected the non-alcohol option, a LaCroix, realizing to her dismay that chugging a LaCroix comes with its own set of challenges. Miya finished in 9:46, 5th overall in the women’s division. 

The overall race winner was a man by the name Eric Miya, who we can only assume has some relation to the crowd favorite Michelle Miya. He was able to finish the race in 4:34, and had lapped multiple racers by the time he picked up his third beer. Some of these people need some training before next year. Although, I would put money on many of the contestants never participating again. 

Racers could be heard saying “This is awful, why would anyone do this,” and “This is the last time I will do a race with my son.”