FINALLY, CHEAP WEDDED BLISS
Published in the Jan. 31, 2026 issue.
The blessed day has been selected. On June 14 the lovebirds will make it official and tie the knot. Dozens of “save the date” announcements have been sent and the planning has begun. It will be a full-blown Mammoth Lakes wedding, with trellises, flowers, seating, catered food, DJ, three-days of parties, dinners, and outings with friends and family. Oh, and mountains, meadows, lakes and blue sky as the backdrop.
Lovely.
The engaged couple has contacted the numerous, professional wedding planners and facilitators in Mammoth. Preliminary costs have been tossed out for renting the venue, accommodations, meals, the wedding crew, flowers, new clothes for bride, groom and the wedding party, and all the other ingredients for a dream day. Those estimates are relayed in round numbers. Big round numbers.
Doubt starts to set in as the couple realize their wedding will cost more than their used Subaru. The muttering has begun.
Fortunately for all involved and their bank accounts salvation and an escape hatch arrives from an unlikely source: The Inyo County Clerk’s Office.
In a burst of entrepreneurial initiative, the Clerk’s Office will be open on Saturday, Feb. 14, Valentine’s Day. The only business conducted will be marrying couples in and around the historic Courthouse in Independence and handing out marriage licenses. (Note: this is real. Call the Clerk’s Office at 760-878-0224 to make an appointment from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.)
Sighs of relief are audible. Quick, cheap and legal. Plus, getting married on Valentines Day is romantic times 10. Practical plus: one gift, romantic night out or special trip covers both the anniversary and Valentine’s Day. A two-fer.
The only problem is explaining the decision to ditch the Mammoth destination wedding for a quicky in Independence.
Allow me to smooth any ruffled feathers coming from the quick change with suggestions for, “gee, change of plans” letters, cards or emails.
Wedding Team: Great news, you have plenty of time to open up the June 14 date and book another couple. Thank you for your time and input. PS: enclosed is a gift card to Grocery Outlet for your trouble.
Best Man and Groomsmen: Great news, we are ditching the Mammoth wedding and those color-coordinated sport jackets and ties for a wedding in Independence. Should take less than an hour on Valentine’s Day, so it’s a surefire girlfriend/wife mush fest and you don’t have to do or buy anything. I know you all will still come since we have routinely driven four hours so we can drink beer and eat Slim Jims at a picnic table. PS: Bring the beer.
Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids: Great news, we’ve decided not to get married in a multi-day Mammoth wedding, which means you don’t have to buy garish bridesmaids dresses and hiking boots for “activities.” Well, the hiking boots might be cute on the steps of the courthouse in Independence. It’s on Valentine’s Day, so bring dates, partners, husbands or potential husbands. A quick ceremony and then it’s wine-o-clock back at the motel. PS: don’t go near the beer drinkers on the picnic tables.
Parents, Option One: Great news, we’ve switched dates and places for the wedding. We’re going with a short ceremony in Independence at the courthouse on Valentine’s Day. That means you can stop sending 12 emails a day with photos and Instagram wedding reels. That will take quite a load off your shoulders. Great ideas, though. Another relief is you’re off the hook for hanging out with certain soon-to-be in-laws for a couple days. PS: we’ll the first dance song from on our phones. Your pick.
Parents Option Two: Great news, we’re getting married in Independence on Valentine’s Day, not Mammoth Lakes in June. You’re off the hook for hanging out with certain soon-to-be in-laws for a couple days. A romantic ceremony under the towering pines then we’re married. PS: forget about helping pay for the wedding and gifts; just hand over cash and call it good.
Siblings: Great news, and no it does not involve coming to our senses by ditching the (pick one) loser, ditz, slacker, gold digger, wino, whiner, grunting ape, control freak, mouth-breather, scatterbrain, redneck, hippy. We’re getting married on Valentine’s Day in Independence at the courthouse. We know you will be there because you love us (our plus-one, not so much, but get used to it).
Friends: Just call them, tell them the news and laugh and remind them there will plenty of time to hang out ‘till death do you part.
Jon Klusmire of Bishop is expecting a 10% commission/finder’s fee from the Clerk’s Office for every nuptial that comes about from this gushing little love letter.
