Prediction: Vikings 17, Dolphins inept

Steelers 16, Titans 13. The Steeler defense will hold Titan RB Chris Johnson to 45 yards rushing.

Ravens 16, Bengals 13. Despite the hype, the Ravens have the same offense … run, run, throw to TE Todd Heap for 4 yards. Every now and then, throw a deep ball and pray like hell for a pass interference call. Joe Flacco isn’t an elite QB. He’s average against bad defenses and below average against good defenses. If the Ravens make the Super Bowl, I may not even watch.

Eagles 21, Lions 10. The Lions chances to win 6 games just ended with the injury to QB Matthew Stafford. Meanwhile Eagle QB Kevin Kolb is in jeopardy of losing his job to Mike Vick. And Vick isn’t being shy about it. He’s already said if he played the whole game last week, the team would have won. It is only a matter of time. Vick will be starting soon.

Falcons 14, Cardinals 12. This one is killing me from last week. The Falcons get the ball with about four minutes left and the game is tied 9-9. The announcer says while second-year Falcon QB Matt Ryan is jogging onto the field, “This is where ‘Matty Ice’ cements his legacy and shows people he is an elite QB. Right now.” Matty Ice promptly throws an interception at his own 30 yard line. He cemented his legacy all right … AS AN OVERRATED BUM.

Vikings 17, Dolphins inept. Viking QB Brett Favre needs time to get on track with his offense. Hmm. But he didn’t need to be at training camp?

Browns 13, Chiefs 10.  The Chiefs won on Monday? That wasn’t a win. The Chiefs had 198 total yards of offense. And only 68 of them were passing. QB Matt Cassel is getting paid about a million dollars per passing yard. He sucks.

Bucs 19, Panthers 13.

Packers 33, Bills 10. The Bills must be trying to move to another city.  What other explanation can there be for hiring 80 year old Forrest Gump as GM and Chan Gailey as head coach.

Cowboys 21, Bears 17. The Cowboys are overrated every year. I think it’s because the media has a way of talking up guys like RB Felix Jones – his reputation is unwarranted. He was the backup to Darren McFadden at Arkansas. Their defensive backfield and offensive line are not good.

Broncos 16, Seahawks 13. Hawks fans are calling Head Coach Pete Carroll the new Bill Walsh. After one game, they are talking about home field advantage for the playoffs. Wow. Same fans that said the Mariners pitching would lead them to the pennant. Morons.

Raiders 16, Rams 12. If you watch this game, it’s official. You have absolutely no life.

Chargers 20, Jaguars 16. The Chargers say they are fine without holdout WR Vincent Jackson and their starting left tackle, and Michael Turner and LaDainian Tomlinson and Drew Brees. At what point do they realize they have to play the game and pay the players? And QB Philip Rivers is eventually going to get punched in the mouth by one of his teammates for talking smack all the time. He cusses everyone out for making mistakes while overthrowing wide open receivers in the end zone.

Patriots 23, Jets 3. The short explanation for the Jets imminent downfall is QB Mark Sanchez’s stat line for last week: 10-21 for 74 yards. To make it worse, he has that glazed, deer in the headlights look all night. His eyes were glazed over and he didn’t have a fucking clue. That team ain’t going anywhere with that bum at QB.

Meanwhile, the Jets are being investigated for rude treatment of a female reporter. First off, I think the reporter is full of it. She went in there looking for exactly what she got. And the Jets? Don’t surprise me at all. They have that kind of dumbass, frat boy culture. Which mirrors the head coach.

13 months from now, after they fire the coach, they will be looking at the cast of jackasses and morons on the roster and wonder how they will possibly turn it all around. Then they will start cutting them all and bring in wholesome mediocrities like Matt Ryan and Tim Tebow. Dumbasses.

Texans 22, Skins 14. The Skins appear to have a good defense, but no offensive weapons. WR Santana Moss isn’t an offensive weapon.

Colts 27, Giants 16. The Colts are showing their wear. And Safety Bob Sanders? Why do they keep bringing this guy back. He is the Chris Chandler of safeties. Has he played more than 5 games in any of the last few seasons? They keep talking about how he isn’t your usual 5’8” safety and hits harder, etc. Well, he is a 5’8” safety and he keeps breaking down.

Saints 20, Niners 13. The Niners need to get their s%$# together. I picked them to win the division. And someone tell QB Alex Smith to shut up. What gives him the right to criticize the coaching staff and the receivers? If I were the coach, I would cut his ass and hit him in the face with a phone book.

Watch out, there will be more falling from the sky next week. Imagine the bigmouth Jets at 0-2. Hilarious.