What up, up in here?

I love industry update articles. You‘ve seen ‘em before, those list-like updates that exist in just about every ski and snowboard magazine’s first few pages. They’re easy to read and they let the casual reader know “what‘s up” with interesting/worthless crap about pros, contests and how wasted someone got at a video premiere, complete with bolded proper nouns.

Lately I’ve been inspired by the weekly segement “What’s Up, Up Here?” I’m referring to George Shirk’s weekly column in the Fifty that keeps us updated on people events and all happenings Mammoth. Though Shirk’s “updates” remind me of the industry update articles mentioned above, he does a great job at letting us know if there’s a squirrel hiding in someone’s shopping mall. Since I love writing about things that are just as fun and pointless as squirrels, I thought I‘d give it a shot … so here we go.

I was wrong. Apparently Mammoth Mountain’s opening weekend was not overshadowed by the premiere of Jackass 3D at Minaret Cinemas. Which is weird because the film has graciously given me the only opportunity I’ll ever have to write the words penis and helicopter in the same sentence. Enough said.

After doing backflips off the bar while super-sauced at Hyde 2.0 (not to be confused with Tosh 2.0, even though both have an over abundance of deep Vs), Travis Rice went missing on Friday night. Sources close to the incident told The Sheet he was found early Saturday morning jumping of rooftops by Quiksilver team manger, Oren Tanzer. Luckily, he was on time to sign autographs at the Village’s Quiksilver Store for opening weekend. Is there any situation Tanzer can’t handle?

Speaking of opening weekend, if you didn’t go to The Sounds concert at Canyon Lodge on Saturday night…then you’re an idiot. They killed. But more importantly you also missed the chance to witness a bunch of Australian Mammoth Mountain employees singing along to the song “We’re not living in America.” Classic.

During the concert I made a trip to the men’s room and had the opportunity to stand next to professional snowboarder, Winter Olympian and “Dancing with the Stars” competitor, Louis Vito. Vito, he of the light feet, confided to the bathroom’s patrons how odd he found the bee graphic printed inside of the urinals. “Why a bee, you know? It’s just weird, dude, a bee. Why not a smiley face? I’d rather piss on a smiley face.” That’s right, one of our nation’s Olympic representatives is apparently channeling R. Kelly.

But the best part of the night was when one of the buses headed back to the Village experienced a soccer hooligan-like atmosphere. Sources on the bus told The Sheet that a chant of the classic arena anthem “Ole Ole” broke out during the 5-minute bus ride. It gets better. The passengers on the bus got so into the song that apparently they started pounding on the walls, ceiling and windows. It was all fun and games until a window broke and the bus driver pulled the bus over and told everyone to, “Get the f*ck out.” I guess the driver wasn’t an L.A. Galaxy fan.

On a mellower note, Ellen DeGeneres, she of the daytime talk-show host crowd, shot a spot for her television show here in Mammoth over the weekend as a giveaway prize to one of her lucky viewers. She sent one of her writers here to ski, sled and even soak at the Wild Willies hot spring. Go to ellen.warnerbros.com to watch the video. This is a great PR opportunity for Mammoth. Now every 40+ stay-at-home housewife has heard of Mammoth Mountain.

Local weatherman Howard Sheckter has predicted a massive winter storm for this weekend. Translation, go to Rite-Aid and stock up on toilet paper and 30 racks.

The re-opening of Lakanuki has brought the return of celebrated party bingo night every Sunday. This is coupled with fabulous prizes and the return of bingo host John Deesel making fun of you for an evening.

I cornered Town Councilman Matthew Lehman at the Auld Dubliner last Taco Tuesday, and over a few drinks got him to verbally commit to building a disc-golf course in the Diaper Forest. If you see him give him a pound and hold him to his word.

In other hippie-related news, Steve Klassen’s medicinal marijuana dispensary is well on its way over in the KMMT building. But don’t get too excited there’s no weed over there just yet. In the meantime you can still get a prescription from 420-Medicard. If they ask you why you need a medical marijuana prescription, just tell ‘em you’re super anxious about the new dispensary opening up and can’t sleep at night.

Okay, so now I’m starting to run out of Shirkisms … ummm, I spotted a squirrel outside of my house yesterday morning. My dog, Hot Dog, got really excited.