Head and shoulders above the Ravens
Look at the NFL and you’ll see the Steelers atop of the AFC North. All is right with the world. Polamalu for defensive player of the year. But he won’t get it because no one can take him seriously anymore with those Head and Shoulders commercials.
Pick ‘em, Quick ‘em.
Colts 23, Titans 16. The demise of the Colts was going to happen eventually. You can’t’ win 12 games a year forever.
Raiders 20, Jags 12. And the Raiders will reward QB Jason Campbell by benching him next week for Rich Gannon. Everyone loves the Jags at the moment, but just a few weeks ago, backup Trent Edwards was going to take QB David Garrard’s job. Come on, experts.
Steelers 30, Bengals 9. The Bengals make me laugh. Out loud. Every time I see those uniforms. Every time I see T.O. and Chad Johnson and Tank Johnson and Adam Jones and PacMan Jones on the sidelines. It just makes me laugh. The experts had ‘em winning the division.
Dolphins 23, Jets 21. Like they say in Jaws … we’re gonna need a bigger boat. For the Jets … we’re gonna need a bigger blog.
Pats 30, Bears 17. The Bears are flukes. And their QB, Jay Cutler, is as reliable as a tampon shaped like a doughnut.
The Cowboys are playing football now. And Head Coach Jason Garrett seems to have changed a whole lot. Did Jason Garrett set up Wade Phillips? It sure looks like it. The offense, Jason Garrett’s offense then and now, looks so much better. Or was it Wade’s Jellyfish persona that did him in?
Bronco Head Coach Josh McDaniels was fired this week. How stupid does Broncos owner Pat Bowlen feel now? He bought into Opie running his team. Let him trade his QB, his best WR, his TE. Let him fire the defensive coordinator. Let him rade away basically 3 draft picks to get Tim Tebow, who will never be a good QB in the NFL. So now he will have a new coach stuck with Kyle Orton, Eddie Royal, Demaryius Thomas and Knowshon Moreno at the skill positions. Wow. They are fu%$ed. Another former Bill Belichickenhead assistant coach who has crashed and burned because he was rushed too quickly to the top job.
The Jets just keep talking and talking. Before the game with the Pats, they said the Pats “should be scared.” Then the Pats ripped them a new asshole. Beat them like they owned them. That was a woodshed whipping. And still, after the game, the Jets dumbass head coach says “Let’s face it, we beat their butts in our place. They beat us, but we will remember this. I promise you that.”
I expect you to remember it. You should remember getting your ass whipped like that on Monday night. This was one of the few times I was happy to see Buckethead Brady kick a team’s ass. Loved it. Before the season I told you the Jets defense could be victimized. Much like the Steeler D. Spread them and attack them quick. And you know, I still think QB Mark Sanchez is overrated.
There are certain players who should change their jersey numbers to letters:
Raven TE Todd Heap should have #PR for Probable. Heap’s always hurt. I keep hearing people say “he is one of the best TE weapons in the league when healthy.” But he’s never healthy. NEVER. If you look at his stats it says he plays 16 games, but just playing the first quarter before going out with a hammy pull, a bruised back, a pulled nut, shouldn’t count.
Viking WR Percy Harvin. #PM. For Tylenol PM. Somebody give Percy some medication for his headaches and tell him to get out on the field. Quit smoking pot … headache gone, dumbass.
Oft-injured Dolphin QB Chad Pennington is unsure about his retirement. Maybe because it hasn’t occurred to him that he’s already started it. What are you unsure of? I am sure of this: your shoulders are made of linguine noodles.
Fantasy football playoffs start this week. I have a money league where the winner takes home about $550 every year. That money spent quite well for me last year. I have some advice for all of you. Just play your best players. I know you want to be smart and take the matchup Kyle Orton has against a bad defense instead of starting Drew Brees, but don’t do it. You do not want to lose out on $550 because you thought you were smart and benched Adrian Peterson to play Mike Tollbert against the worst run defense in the league and watch as your bench racks up 50 points while Mike Tollbert pulls a hammy and runs for 30 yards.
