String cheese for hamstrings

Last week, Harold brought you his AFC predictions for the upcoming NFL season. This week, he tackles the NFC. In case you thought he was infallible, he thought the Giants would win Wednesday night’s season opener against Dallas. 

NFC East 

Cowboys 9-7. And that is too many wins. To briefly summarize, their WRs used to be a strength. Now? Laurent Robinson left in free agency. Miles Austin has string cheese for hamstrings and is hurt AGAIN. Dez Bryant is NEVER going to be the receiver people imagine him to be. He is too immature and too willing to let his past contaminate the rest of his adult life. The defense looks like they added another player or two so they may be respectable, but their RBs would have to be sewn together to make one that can last through a season without injury. The QB, Tony Romo … I don’t think he is as bad as people think. But I’m just not sure how much he truly cares. Being a QB isn’t his life and it shows.

‘Skins 6-10. I love new QB RG3, but if I hear one more time about how many weapons he has around him, I will throw up. Please tell me who his weapons are? Pierre Garcon?? Come on man. That guy is a NUMBER 2 receiver they overpaid to get. He is Alvin Harper all over again. And who is the other receiver Santonio Moss? Santonio played as a senior in high school when I was a freshman and I am 44 years old. Their RB? Name him. I fucking dare you. The ‘Skins have no talent around RG3. And the defense everyone keeps talking about … not that good. DeAngelo Hall still gets a free pass and he is a terrible cornerback. This team isn’t good. That being said, RG3 will be fun to watch.

Giants 11-5. The Giants have reloaded a bit. Great defense. Solid QB and plan. They will be fine.

Eagles 8-8. Dynasty? This team is full of mental midgets. QB Michael Vick was hurt twice this preseason. I have said for years that tying your future to Vick as your franchise QB is like taking a cross-country drive in a Yugo. You will break down before you get there. Andy Reid is the most overrated coach in the NFL. Oh, and the Eagles rolled out Nick Foles as backup QB and let him throw the ball like crazy in the 3rd and 4th quarter of one preseason game and now everyone’s talking about him being great. Hilarious. I smell another Kevin Kolb trade coming. A.J. Feeley all over again, etc.

NFC North 

Packers 12-4. They will throw it around and win some games, but their defense is not good and they can’t run the ball. After they signed RB Cedric Benson as a free agent, some dimwitted television analyst  said … NOW THE PACKERS HAVE A RUNNING GAME. They have the same offensive line, they just signed Benson and now they have a running game? He’s not a difference maker.

Vikings 6-10. Christian Ponder makes me ponder which QB the Vikings will take in the first round next year.

Bears 11-5. Wow. QB Jay Cutler is looking good In the preseason. But you know what, he is still Jay Cutler. He will look like Dan Marino, until his mental deficiencies caused by multiple concussions cause him to do or say something stupid and he will self-destruct. Michael Bush at RB is a great addition, but who will run the ball, him or Matt Forte? Adding WR Brandon Marshall also a great move. Defense will put pressure on you, but by about week 8 LB Brian Urlacher will be out and they will begin scuffling.

Lions 10-6. See Packers. Throw it around. Score a lot of points, give up a lot of points. Unlike the Packers, you have to question their mental makeup. Coach Jim Schwartz is crazy so the team is, too.

NFC South 

Saints 9-7. Lol. They just named their 3rd coach of the season. Joe Vitt is the interim coach because the head coach got suspended for the season. But Vitt is suspended for 6 games, so they had to name an interim coach for the interim coach. All that too much for this team to overcome.

Falcons 10-6. Why people love this team is beyond me. I can’t understand it. QB Matt Ryan is seen as better than Romo even though he hasn’t won a playoff game. But they call him Matty Ice? Disturbing. And WR Roddy White needs to shut up. He is an idiot with a twitter account. That is bad. This may be the first year in YEARS I haven’t had Michael Turner on my fantasy team. The carries are adding up and he looks like a little meatball running around now. Man is he round.

Bucs 5-11. Still don’t like the talent on this team. The RB LaGarrette Blount is a man waiting to implode. Probably why they drafted Doug Martin to replace him. The defense … I just don’t see a lot I like.

Panthers 10-6. I love QB Cam Newton but think they need another WR. They didn’t address that in the offseason. They had to address the defense, And please tell me why they need RB Mike Tollbert when they already have DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart AND just gave Stewart a huge contract extension. Why Tolbert and not a WR? Don’t get it.

NFC West

Niners 9-7. I expect a huge drop by this team. I may be the only one. The defense played WAY over their heads last year and so did QB Alex Smith. They are throwing everything they can at the WR position and claim to have five #1 receivers with Randy Moss (#1 a decade ago), Michael Crabtree (lol), Mario Manningham (if he was a number one he would still be on the Giants), Ted Ginn (he wasn’t a number one at Ohio State) and Kyle Williams (who isn’t even a number one KR. Remember, he fumbled two punts in the NFC championship  game last year). Coach Jim Harbaugh is legitimately crazy and immensely arrogant. He says things like he is smarter than we are. I’m not buying.

Cards 4-12. Spend $60 million to import the Eagles backup QB and then have him get beat out for the job by a 5th round draft pick. Par for the course in Arizona.

‘Hawks 7-9.  I don’t think they should  win this many games but they get the Rams and Cards twice. Coach Pete Carroll is crazy, too. He signed Braylon Edwards AND Terrell Owens this offseason. That is admitting you can’t draft. They spent $19 million on the Packers backup, only to have him get beat out by a rookie 3rd round draft choice … which i suppose is better than how the Cards did.

Rams 5-11. Jeff Fisher will crash and burn here in an ugly blaze. From the coaches he hired to the players he has drafted … there’s nothing here.

The playoff scenario

AFC: Steelers, Broncos, Pats, Texans win divisions. Wildcards: Ravens, Bills

NFC: Giants, Packers, Falcons, Niners win divisions. Wildcards: Panthers, Bears

Steelers beat Patriots in AFC Championship.

Packers  beat Panthers in NFC Championship

Steelers win Super Bowl 33-19.