GOOD TALK
This article was published in the June 28, 2025 edition.
“Damn, I think I left my phone back at the house. That’s the second time this week. The other time I left it in the car and spent 10 minutes racing around the house looking for it. We don’t have to turn the car around and go back and get it, I really don’t need it right now, but then again, honey, sweetie, love of my life, maybe we have time?”
“Relax, Fading Memory Man, we can go back to get it, we’re just a few miles out of Bishop, so it won’t take long. I don’t want you to have to feel naked without your phone and make you go cold turkey from your news fix or miss out on you and your pals’ lame jokes and memes.”
“Now Sweetie, they aren’t lame. They are educational and informative. Anyway, okay. I’ll pull a U-turn at Collins Road and head back. I can’t believe I keep leaving that thing all over the place.”
“I can. And it’s not just your phone. Remember leaving your house keys on the dresser because you were in a hurry to change your pants? You had to go use your ‘stashed secret key,’ to get back in the house and get them.”
“Hey, don’t be laughing at me because I don’t have a great memory or get distracted by my ‘big ideas’ and sort of space out the small stuff.”
“You know what would keep me from laughing, Mr. Space Cadet, and guarantee you will never lose your phone or your house keys or your pocket knife?”
“Please enlighten me, all-knowing Queen of Everyday Wisdom.”
“Start carrying a man purse.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, little lady. A man purse? One of those lame little bags dudes wear strapped around their neck or shoulder so the bag part hangs around their belly?”
“Sure, Mr. Frail Male Ego, what’s the issue? Don’t like the word ‘purse.”?
“Sort of. I’m also afraid it’s mandatory that once you start carrying a man purse you have to get a man bun, or a pony tail, a nose piercing and wear Crocs with socks. It’s a package deal, so to speak.”
“You realize that’s what all the hip men are wearing these days?”
“Hey, I’m already so hip it hurts. Adding another layer of cool would alter the universe’s cosmic balance.”
“You’re right. Sometimes it hurts me to look at you and your ‘outfits.’ The cosmic balance will not tilt if you wear a man purse. It’s just an accessory. If it makes you feel any better instead of calling it a man purse you can call it a satchel.”
“Still a no-go. Looks like a purse, acts like a purse, it’s a purse.
“My god you are fragile. That’s the point. You can carry everything in one place – phone, knife, keys, car fob, rocks, candy, coins, wallet.”
“And that, Sweet Unit, will lead me down a fraught path, a slippery slope. Once I have a ‘bag for things,’ expansion is assured. Sure it starts with phones and keys and rocks, but pretty soon I’m vying with you and your industrial-strength purse/bag/tote full of essentials, plus granola bars, reading glasses, sun glasses, sunscreen, lotion, 1,000 cash register receipts, combs and brushes, pens, a complete miniature tool kit, and God knows what else. You probably have a first aid kit and a small revolver, for all I know.”
“And it’s a good thing I carry all that. FOR YOU, mister ‘do you have any lotion’ and ‘when did we mail that?’ and ‘do you have scissors or a nail file?’ You’d be floundering without me and my purse. In addition to being practical, purses are also stylish, they make a statement, they scream class.”
“Nice try, but I will not become a beast of domestic burden or sacrifice my manly silhouette with a tawdry bag hanging off my frame. It will upset my look.”
“Look? You think you have a look? Whew. Okay, then, to keep your ‘look’ uncluttered, how about just a nice little fanny pack. Looks masculine, sort of hidden but still keeps all your stuff in one place. Hey, if Mathew McConaughey can wear one in public you can you. Gee, if you had your phone I could send you a picture of him looking very hip, slick and cool with his fanny pack.”
“Har, har, har, Funny Lady. Sorry, he’s from Texas and he’s rich. I am neither.”
“No, but I bet he never loses his phone or his house keys.”
“I’m happy for him. Thanks for the suggestion. Good talk.”
Jon Klusmire of Bishop is well versed on when to just stop talking.
