Take Wolf’s quiz to determine whether you’re a genius, or Matt Millen.
This week marks the absolute deadline for NFL junkies to get their fantasy football rosters in shape before the 2010-2011 season.
Like every year, we head into the season all thinking we’re gridiron geniuses. But I don’t care what you say, fantasy football has less to do with football knowledge and more to do with dumb luck than a drunken sailor’s attempt at picking the stock market.
Since everyone here at the Sheet office claims to be the next Chris Berman, we decided to start our own fantasy league. The only problem is that everyone in our league, in all actuality, is about as good at managing a roster as Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis. So to settle the preseason debate, we’ve decided to come up with this quick and easy non-scientific quiz to see who really is the fantasy master. Add up your total at the end to see what kind of coach you actually are.
1. One hour before your fantasy draft you…
A. Stock up on Perky Jerky, a Capri Sun and a copy of Maxim’s fantasy guide
B. Call your dad and ask him if Troy Aikman is still sweet
C. Pre-rank your players based on their tenacity in NFL Street
D. Buy a six-pack of Keystone and let Keith Stone do the picking
2. It’s the 5th round in the draft, you take…
A. Santonio Holmes
B. Ben Roethlisberger
C. Vincent Jackson
D. Any one of ‘em. What does N/A mean?
3. You need a good RB on your roster so you …
A. Propose a trade for a handful of your roommate’s Doritos Late Night Taco flavored chips
B. Wonder why Bo Jackson can’t be found in free agency
C. Go to Vons and buy a 20 ounce Mug Root Beer. RB, right?
D. Wait for Maurice Clarett to sober up
4. Best look on game day is …
A. A slim and rugged pair of Brett Favre’s Wranglers
B. Tom Brady’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas haircut
C. Your Cincinnati Bengal Zoobas from 8th grade
D. Troy Polamalu’s Head and Shoulder explosion
5. You have to decide between starting Drew Brees and Peyton Manning so you…
A. Start whoever is playing the Raiders
B. Start whoever is playing the Lions
C. Start whoever is playing Jacksonville
D. Hope Jim Cramer decides to pick for you
6. Best name for your fantasy team is…
A. Rusty Gregory’s T-Shirt
B. Steve Searles’ Camera Crew
D. Klassen’s Special Batch
7. Best place to enjoy Sunday’s games…
A. At Grumpy’s surrounded by delusional Chargers fans
B. At Whiskey Creek hoping for a Jell-O wrestling halftime show
C. At some Hyde Lounge theme party
D. At Giovanni’s when you’re supposed to be at work
8. Better hands in a clutch situation…
A. Chris Elliott’s “good hand” in Scary Movie 2
B. Michelle Obama in a touch football game
C. J.P. Prewitt’s glass-encased model hands
D. Terrell Owens’ in a handshake for another reality show
9. You have to watch the game but your partner’s watching a Lifetime original movie so you…
A. Change the channel anyway and risk the fallout of sleeping on the couch
B. Watch the movie and provide constant Madden-like play by play ‘til the channel is changed
C. Convince your partner that football is like a Lifetime original…with even more man hating
D. Dump the bitch
10. You need one more team to join your fantasy league so you…
A. Sign up as your girlfriend and manage two teams complete with plenty of insider trading
B. Find a local Australian to join your league who believes football is played in an oval
C. Convince your father in-law to join so you have something to talk about at Thanksgiving
D. Recruit a Town Council member to join because they’re notorious for throwing money at lost causes
Q5: A2, B3,C4,D1
10-18 points: The second-coming of Matt Millen – Flat out, you’re an awful coach. You actually make the former Lions GM look as appealing as the Old Spice guy, even if he did nothing but draft wide receivers for 8 years.
19-29 points: Rex Ryan’s Stunt Double- Like the Jets’ current head coach you have a pretty damn good team. But it doesn’t matter because more than likely you’ll make it to the semifinals and choke.
30-40 points: Bill Belichick’s Apprentice – You drafted all the right pieces. You have a stud at QB, a solid backfield and you love football so much you refuse to change out of that cutoff hoodie you’ve been wearing all season.