General Patton … or Capt. McHale?

The season is starting to come into view.

Per usual. there are a few surprises that, upon reflection, aren’t really surprises at all.

You take a guy out of Seattle, the Black Hole of professional sports, and it resurrects his career (new Titan QB Matt Hasselbeck).

Rookie sensation Cam Newton is way further along than the experts thought he’d be.

The Steelers are having their usual post-Super Bowl clunker of a season. And Big Ben Roethlisberger is morphing into Brett Favre. He loves the media talking about how tough he is every week. Must be why he left the stadium on crutches wearing a walking boot last week. Attention whore. Didn’t matter that he’d jogged 3-4 miles during the game that day. And during the games he is always acting like he’s exhausted and dying … and then takes off for a 30-yard run.

I think Ben must’ve bought Favre’s LoveMeMedia room from him. You know the room. The circular iMax theater room at his house with a thousand TVs all tuned to a media player constantly scanning the internet, radio and TV for mention of his name, then automatically tuning TVs to anything with his name on it. Ben’s room now. Right down to the recliner in the middle of the room with the lotion dispenser so he can touch himself every time an image or report about him pops up. Favre even sold him the cell phone that is wired to the system to automatically release tweets every time his exposure level drops below a certain level.

The Eagles and their ‘dream team’ are reeling. The Bills can stick a dagger in that mess this weekend. Are you aware that Eagle Coach Andy Reid chose his offensive line coach as his new defensive coordinator this season? Seriously. No wonder they are 30th in the league against the run.

Meanwhile, they have one of the best cover cornerbacks in the league stuck on the right side of the defense playing zone. He looks lost.  You wanna know how bad it is? Check out this recent posting on CraigsList:

Hey, we are looking for anyone interested in becoming a Defensive Coordinator for the Philadelphia Eagles. We figured that since our current guy doesn’t have any experience as a Defensive Coordinator that we could just post on Craigslist and maybe get a fan who might know what he’s doing. If you play Madden on Playstation, you could probably do well here. Hit me up if you are interested. The money is awesome and we have a cool quarterback to watch during the game. A plus would be if you could tackle and get in there for a few plays to help out. -Andy

Tony Romo was the big story after last week’s meltdown against the Lions. They make him out to be the greatest leader since George Patton one week; the next week he is Captain McHale from McHale’s Navy. They can’t stick to a perception.

Here’s my take. He is a good NFL QB. He will put up some ridiculous numbers some games. He will get you deep into the season and win about 10 or 11 games. BUT … he will always make that stupid mistake. He has that gene that prevents him from doing the right thing at the right time. He can’t let go of the playmaker moniker. Favre did it for years. And Romo won’t change. You know why … it isn’t immaturity. It is just how he’s wired. That Favre overcame himself enough to win one Super Bowl was an achievement. I don’t see that in the cards for Romo. He might get close, but …

The Cowboys really should have won despite Romo last week. But they can’t run the ball with a lead. And they were covering Lion WR Calvin Johnson like Jenna Jameson at a house party … one in the front and one in the back … and still couldn’t stop him.

Broncos upset the Chargers this week. The Chargers are uninspiring. They are not that good. And QB Philip Rivers is off this year. He misses his security blankets (injured TE Antonio Gates and departed RB Darrin Sproles). The Broncos meanwhile better win some games or they will be fighting the Tim Tebow bandwagon. Personally, I think they should let Tebow come in for a few series every game. Let him build up some trade value. The Dolphins or some other team will bite. Some fish will always bite.

That draft day deal for WR Julio Jones isn’t looking so hot for the Falcons. They could have used some more depth. Not that Jones isn’t a great player, but if you already have a WR in Roddy White you think is the best in the game and pay $60 million, do you need another top 6 pick WR? You aren’t smart enough to find a WR that fits the system that can just help out?

How come I don’t hear Jabba the Hutt (Rex Ryan) and his band of idiots talking a lot of s%$# these days? ‘Cause they are on their way to 9-7. QB Mark Sanchez’s performance against the Ravens was abysmal. 11/35 for 119 yards with 1 Pick 6 and two fumbles that were returned for TDs. IF you believe in Sanchez, you have lost your mind.

Funny thing is, everyone (including me) is dogging Sanchez this week. But he is due for some cosmeticv surgery this week in the form of that  sorry-ass Patriot defense. He will light them up this week and then everyone will developo amnesia and talk about how great he is again. Dumbasses.

I drove by a house the other day and it said “OPEN HOUSE” and when I got up to the front, it was a single wide mobile. Why do you have an open house for a mobile home? Wouldn’t you rather just put it in The Sheet classifieds and say, “Take it.” What is the walkthrough like on a singlewide? “Here … this is where the wheels are. If you release this lever, you can move the beast down the road or use it like a motor home and go on vacation. Hold on, let me show you the fuel tank. The concrete blocks are sold separately.”