Giving thanks for the NFL… and its many turkeys!

It’s that time of year again. Thanksgiving. Now I love Thanksgiving, but not for the reasons other people talk about. I am thankful for the NFL. I LOVE IT.

Broncos QB Tim Tebow is thankful for all the dumbass coaches, owners and GMs in the league, who are allowing him to have a chance to start games.

The Cowboys’ Tony Romo is thankful for the Redskins bailing him out. He was about to have another monumental blunder in a game until the moronic Redskins coaches bailed him out.

I am thankful for the NFL network having a night game on Thanksgiving so I can watch something besides the Lions and Cowboys!

Michael Vick is thankful for the Eagles and their unwavering arrogance. If not, he would be working at PetSmart.

Jets coach Rex Ryan is thankful to Eagles coach Andy Reid for making him look slim and fit. Those two aren’t even plump turkeys, they’re just fat hogs, straight up.

And Reid must be thankful for White Castle. I think he must have a White Castle drive through in his kitchen. White Castle Burgers only come in one size, but if you eat 400 of them in one sitting …

The Baltimore Ravens and QB Joe Flacco are thankful for pass interference!

Patriots WR Deion Branch is thankful for QB Tom Brady. When he left Brady for a couple of years, he looked like a bum.

Donte Stallworth is thankful for Redskins coach Mike Shanahan. And he damn well better be. It isn’t every team that needs WRs so bad they have to wait for the federal prison system to release players they can sign!

Mark Sanchez is thankful for peoples’ ignorance, particularly sports commentators. Sanchez is a walking TV commercial … phony as the day is long and expecting you to buy what he’s selling. He sold himself to the media, the experts and the Jets as a franchise QB without every proving himself.

The Colts are thankful the season is only 16 games. They already have their offseason vacations planned and their bags packed.

The Picks:

Lions 30, Packers 28. Now, I have heard how unbeatable the Packers are and how they have no weaknesses. BUT have you seen how many teams are able to score on them at will? That means their defense is suspect … if they don’t score for a couple of possessions, THEY CAN LOSE. The Lions can score, and if they keep their heads straight when things go wrong, they could win this one.

Cowboys 28, Dolphins 20. The Dolphins are winning and losing all at the same time. Coach Tony Sparano is potentially going to be fired any time, and with three straight wins behind them, the front office is falling farther down in the draft. Of course, Jimmy Johnson’s advice to Miami was never mind the draft, just win games, so that score might be the other way around. What do I know?

Niners 20, Ravens 12. The Ravens won last week, which probably means they’ll lose this week. That team is schizophrenic. Their QB is a mess. Meanwhile, the Niners are rolling, but ALEX SMITH IS THEIR QB. All is well now, but mark my words, sooner or later this will end in disaster.

Titans 23, Bucs 17. A lame game viewed by all of 300 people, counting the team players, cheerleaders and coaches on the field. Skip this one for seconds, more pie or a nap.

Jags 20, Texans 13. Not sure if most of you know this, but Matt Leinart is starting QB for the Texans. That means Jags QB Blaine Gabbert may not be the worst QB on the field this week. The Texans can’t win even when things are going well. The Texans are the team in your fantasy league named BYE.

Rams 9, Cards 4. The Cards need a backup QB. After seeing Shelton and Anderson, etc play for them last year why did they enter the season with Shelton as their backup QB? Kolb, who sucks anyway, gets hurt and they bring in this Shelton guy. I watched his game and he looked like he should be selling me paint at the local Ace Hardware. He threw passes even he couldn’t believe. He was miserable.

Jets 20, Bills 17. These are two teams that are going nowhere. The Jets have the worst example of a head coach in the league, that embarrassing mess Rex Ryan. And just this week, ESPN writer John Clayton reported that the team ownership and GM are fully behind him and love him. That makes me realize the Jets are a terrible organization from the top down. No wonder that these Jets are going to crash and burn. The Jets lost to the Tebows, er, Broncos the other night. Need I say more?

Bengals 20 Browns 10. Don’t watch this, even if you live in Ohio. Ugly uniforms, ugly football.

Falcons 30, Vikings 20. The Falcons are overrated and may not even make the playoffs. All the experts said before the season, “The falcons have an explosive offense with all those weapons!” Then the Falcons start off slow and all the experts turn around and say, “The Falcons need to get back to what they do best: run the ball with Michael Turner!” Which is it? Dumbasses.

Panthers 30, Colts 20. The Colts are actually good at sucking. They aren’t messing around with any half-assed offense or throwing the ball 900 times a game. They are methodically staking claim to the number one pick.

Seahawks 20, Redskins 10. The Skinahans are a disaster. Even Coach Shanahan knows it. Watch him on the sidelines. He doesn’t even look like he is interested in what is going on during the game.

Raiders 24, Bears 16. Thankfully for the Bears they get to play the Raiders. Unfortunately for the Bears they will have Caleb Hanie at QB in the Black Hole. The. They will score cuz the Raiders will commit aobut 500 penalties. After I ranted last week about coaches letting their players commit the dumbest penalties while the coach stands on the sidelines pouting with his arms crossed while doing NOTHING ABOUT IT, the Raiders committed another 12 or 13 penalties. Not once did Hue Jackson pull a player off the field and light him up. But after the game Hue complained about the officials. Clearly I think the NFL referees get bias against teams, but the coach has done nothing to stop the penalties. The Raiders like penalties. Maybe they should ask the league if the officials can throw black flags for Raider penalties. Or have them throw Chinese throwing stars or something at the Raider committing the penalty. If you are going to get that many, at least make it cool or something.

Chargers 27, Broncos 10. The Chargers are another poorly coached team that could allow the Denver and its Option offense to hang around. My bet, however, is that the Chargers will turn up the heat on the Broncos by scoring early and then forcing that bum Tebow to throw the ball. All that “special” and “winner” Tebow talk will fade with a 5-game losing skid.

Patriots end Eagles season 30-16. Every time the Eagles play a good game the experts jump right back on the bandwagon. How is it a defense can be bad 13 games, but play 3 good games and experts can say, “That is how good that defense can be.” Sorry, but where I come from – the real world – 3 out of 16 says they are a truly bad defense. A QB can throw 30 bad passes and one great TD pass and the pundits say, “That is an NFL throw. See he can make all the throws.” Using that logic, I’ve got a shot at landing Halle Berry.

Steelers 20, Chiefs 13. Pittsburgh pulls its usual “playing down to the competition” and takes out Kansas City. The Steelers should be told it is not against NFL guidelines to beat the crap out of a team. I am tired of watching them play terrible games against bad teams.

Happy Thanksgiving!