Hartley makes his NFL picks
There is hope in every NFL city. Everyone is undefeated. And everyone thinks they can get to the Super Bowl. But it is coming. They tee the ball up week one and kick off. By the 2nd quarter, reality sets in. The fans, the coaches, the GM and the players realize … we still suck. For most of you, your team is one week away from starting to think about which Eagles backup QB can help them replace Kolb, Cassel or Gabbert.
This week, we’ll look at the AFC.
AFC NORTH
Steelers 13-3. Through all the changes, the story remains the same. There are the Pittsburgh Steelers … and everyone else. QB Ben Roethlisberger is still a bum, but the ORGANIZATION has put all sorts of skill players at his disposal … who can fly. Chris Rainey, Mike Wallace, Antonio Brown. Speed kills.
Bengals 9-7. Nice story last year. Not a great ending. This year, they brought in the LAW FIRM to play running back. BenJarvus Gree-Ellis. But QB Andy Dalton will experience some growing pains in his 2nd year, and overall, this team is steady, but not that talented.
Ravens 11-5. Really, they could go 9-7 or 8-8 without Suggs and some other players they’ve lost on defense.
Browns 4-12. Cleveland fans should revolt. This team is clueless. GM Mike Holmgren has to go for this team to be successful and drafting Weeden was a HORRIBLE decision. You draft a QB in the first round to lead your team for 10-15 years. This guy is 28 already. And he won’t last 4 years ‘cause he isn’t that good. Doing it in the NFL is completely different: just ask Brady Quinn, Blaine Gabbert, and J.P. Losman.
AFC WEST
Raiders 8-8. QB Carson Palmer is a cross between a has-been and a never-was. He’s already throwing INTs in preseason. He hasn’t been good in five years. The numbers don’t lie. Meanwhile, their coach looks like Dennis the Menace. I had no idea he was so young. Like the running game and the defense looks good, but don’t trust Palmer, and when McFadden inevitably gets hurt …
Chargers 7-9. Why are they considered relevant? They have no talent left and one of the WORST coaches in the game in Norv Turner Their starting RB is fragile, so naturtally they let his backup go in the offseason. Their WRs are a downgrade, because import Robert Meachem can’t hold export Vincent Jackson’s jockstrap.
Broncos 10-6. Peyton will make them respectable. Any QB that can throw the ball 15 yards with accuracy will make them respectable, but I don’t see this as a Super Bowl team as some do. The division is miserable so they will do better, but that is all.
Chiefs 7-9. The Chiefs had a great offseason as far as adding some great talent and I loved their defense already. Their defense will win them most of their games, but their QB is Matt Cassel. Enough said.
AFC EAST
Pats 12-4, The Pats will win games. They always do. Not a lot to evaluate here. I will say this … adding WR Brandon Lloyd doesn’t mean they added Calvin Johnson. He will score in that offense, but let’s calm down on that s*&t.
Jets 6-10. Along with the Eagles this is the All-Mouth team. Have you ever seen a team with so little success get this much press? Unbelievable. The head coach can’t shut up. Problem is, the window has closed. This is a bad team. Toxic lockerroom. And they didn’t even get rid of Santonio Holmes. They have a defense that is considered ELITE but gave up 22 points a game last year. And bringing in Tebow omn offense WHEN Sanchez fails will set them back even farther.
Dolphins 4-12. Hard Knocks is what rookie QB Tannehill will get during the season. This team is bad. And that show is impossible to watch? What about this team is interesting? Nothing. David Garrard’s wife is funny. But to think Garrard had a chance there was hilarious. I have to say…..I don’t like the coach Philbin at all. He reminds me of the creepy guy with the black suit and hat in the old horror movies. The other problem I have is the coach doesn’t really look people in the fucking eye. He talks around you, looks up and down, but doesn’t look you in the face. I CAN’T STAND THAT.
Bills 9-7. This team … ugh. I don’t think they get it. They improved by bulking up the defense. But please, please, please … get someone decent to catch the ball.
AFC SOUTH
Colts 4-12. Andrew Luck. Played against the Steelers. When they put the heat on him, they rolled his ass. They put in the scrubs and he had a long drive and everyone said he bested the Steeler defense. Announcers are idiots. RB Donald Brown will have a great year.
Texans 9-7. Everyone is expecting them to take a huge step. Not going to happen. They let go of a huge part of their offensive line and their defense and are going to be that much better? It’s not like they have a great history and system like other teams. And their best and ONLY WR is always hurt
Titans 5-11. I don’t care if you start Jake Locker or Jake Plummer this team ain’t worth diddly. Can’t waste space on this one.
Jaguars 4-12. LOL. Every time I see QB Blaine Gabbert play I laugh my ass off. And he pulled the ultimate dumbass media move. The 3 year old kid routine. After telling everyone he was as good as any QB in the draft when he came out, he was MISERABLE last year. Absolutely miserable. So to answer the media he says “The people talking can’t do my job.” Ohhhhh … ,there it Is. LOL. That is pitiful. A franchise QB goes out and proves it and shuts up.
Next week: NFC
AROUND THE LEAGUE
NFL officials are on strike. They want to be paid $190K a year instead of $150K for a part-time job. Hey, if the strike doesn’t get resolved, I’ll bet they could find jobs as bankruptcy lawyers for the Town of Mammoth …
Maurice Jones Drew get your dumb ass back to practice. The team only won 5 games with you last year so what is your leverage? They will only win 3 without you? Stupid. Like me telling Gabrielle Union – hey if you don’t answer my fan mail, I won’t hit that .
Why the Broncos will have some success but eventually implode … ‘cause the head coach is from 1963. I was watching their preseason game. They had the ball at the 3 yard line with 10 seconds left in the half. First play takes 4 seconds. Incomplete. Coach Fox immediately calls for a FG. In a preseason game? You have a chance to run some goal line offense and time on the clock, but Knute Rockne Coach has to have the 3 points. Too conservative. Just silly.
Colts owner Jim Irsay is a jackass. The owner of an NFL team that taunts fans on Twitter? First this jackass is telling people he is about to make a major trade for a big name veteran. Then afterwards he gets criticized by people and goes off. His response: “If u don’t like it buy ur own team and try to make the playoffs 9 seasons n a row n put together 7 straight 12 win seasons n a row as Owner!” “U can do all your judgmental chirpin’ U want,it’s not about subjective opinions…it what you DO n what your track record shows! CHECKMATE!“
That is from the owner of an NFL team? He’s a child. Who inherited the team from his daddy. And happened to be lucky enough to draft a guy named Peyton Manning.
Who told you Russell Wilson would be a steal for some team? Me, that’s who. And now he is the starter for the Seahawks. What if the Jets had drafted him?? No, they were too busy trading for Tebow.
Dez Bryant. I keep telling you Dez Bryant will NEVER reach his potential. Now the Cowboys have resorted to PacMan Jones rules again. Dez isn’t allowed to drink, go to clubs, go to nightclubs or basically scratch his nuts without permission. And he has security to follow him around also. This is the PacMan Jones rule all over again we know how that turned out.
Tim Tebow. I have never seen this before and when I saw it I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself. I watched a Jets preseason game. Don’t recall which one. All the same. Sanchez sucks, offense sucks, Tebow comes in and runs for 20 yards against the future night shift at Subway and stomps around huffing and puffing. Later, Tebow had a receiver wide open in the end zone about 24 yards downfield. And I mean WIDE OPEN. The receiver didn’t have a defender within 20 yards of him. Tebow throws the ball and it doesn’t even reach the end zone. The receiver dove for it and couldn’t even touch it. To make it worse, Tebow motions to the receiver YOU GOTTA COME BACK FOR THE BALL. Come on. And the announcers let him get away with it. I was floored they didn’t blast his ass.
Bob Costas during the Olympics. Creepy. That little man had so much makeup aon nd with the Oprah Winfrey AIRBRUSH GLAMOUR SHOT photography he looked like a character from Alice in Wonderland.
Dominique Rodgers Cromartie gets fined $21,000 for an illegal hit. And despite being an NFL player in the free agency age, he says “I ain’t even got that much money.” The sad part is that he is probably telling the truth. Probably has more gold faucets in his home than investment products in his portfolio.
