Niners 20, Jets 6. The JETS got a win and people are saying … they are 2-1, that’s all that matters. Get out of here. That was a dismal performance last week against Miami. QB Mark Sanchez was terrible. The defense is done without CB Darrelle Revis, who is out for the year. As for the Niners … wasn’t Randy Moss supposed to be rejuvenated and electric and the best receiver on the team? Right.

UPSET special. Rams 16 Seahawks 6. The Seahawks Defense is very good. But their offense is horrible. And everyone says it’s the QB. I do not believe that. I watch them and that offense has no imagination. No spark. And their WRs are the opposite of 7-11. Because 7-11 is always open. And the playcalling. On 3rd and 8 every receiver runs a 15 to 20 yard route. All two of them. And when they are covered, QB Russell Wilson has to scramble. The RB is a run ’til he hits something RB – 4 yards and a bunch of collisions. TERRIBLE. And the worst thing is the defense will lose some of their sparkle this week. As soon as the real referees and Roger Goodell take a closer look at the way they are playing. Now I grew up on Mel Blount, Mike Haynes, Lester Hayes, Dennis Thurman. Cornerbacks that would be damn near guilty of manslaughter covering WRs. But this is 2012. You cannot beat WRs up 30 yards downfield and the real referees are sitting at home watching tape and laughing their asses off. The Seahawks will set a record for interference and roughing penalties.

Panthers 23, Falcons 16. The Falcons are the rage for now. Until they bomb in another playoff game. Cam Newton is struggling ’cause he has no WRs. I liked Steve Smith … 7 years ago.

Lions 24, Vikings 20. Why, after winning my fantasy football league last year, two of them, would I not draft Matthew Stafford again?? ‘Cuz he is fragile. And he is hurt right now.

Chiefs 20, Chargers 17. The Chargers are a bad football team. Their record will soon reflect it.

Texans 20, Titans 10. Jake Locker. Enough said.

Patriots 27, Bills 24. Bill Belichickenhead. Not the same. He is on edge, constantly trying to prove he is smarter than everyone else. The NFL tells the teams not to confront the officials and he goes after them all day and then grabs one after the game. He doesn’t do anything  without a purpose. What an asshole. I said he would quit after last year. Yet he is giving all access to A Football Life when usually he won’t even let you know if a player is injured. I see him walking away and sitting out a year, then coming back and getting to be GM, President of Football and Strip Club Operations, Personal Masseuse to Team Wives and Ownership of some team. And he will stink it up with his HUGE ego. Bills … Aren’t they in the Canadian Football League?

Bengals 13, Jags 8 in extra innings. These two teams suck. The Jags should have traded Maurice Jones Drew when he had value.

Raiders 18, Broncos 30. How about all that Peyton Manning hype after they beat the confused Steelers in the opening game? Since then he looks like what I imagined for a guy that old, with that many surgeries … his arm strength is lacking. Now I am sure he is on the wrong page with some of his receivers, but on some of those out routes he is bouncing the ball. He doesn’t look that great.

Dolphins 20, Cards 14. I don’t like the Dolphins, but I don’t see the Cards 4-0. Kevin Kolb … once he realizes the job is his, the real Kolb will stand up. Please stand up. Please stand up.

‘Skins 24, Bucs 14. The Bucs are building a bad reputation because of that jackass coach of theirs. I don’t like gimmick coaches. Build a strong defense and running game and quit trying to create fake toughness. IF you keep talking about how tough you are or want to be … you ain’t tough.

 

Packers 40, Saints 35. The Saints are killing me. Saint fans thought they would be fine because they have Drew Brees to run their offense, but Drew Brees will throw interceptions at will unless you’ve got someone to punch him in the mouth on the sidelines. Consider: if you have a head coach you pay $7 million a year and you can do fine without him, what do you need him for?? Meanwhile, the defense needs to bring back a bounty system again ’cause they need some serious motivation.

Giants 24, Eagles 16. The Giants are going to let everyone know this weekend how bad the Eagles really are. If the Cards put a beating on Vick, the Giants are going  to maul him. MAUL HIM. The Eagles are a mediocre team with a mediocre coach. Reid is a stubborn SOB like Belichickenhead or Shanahanahahahn without the rings. He throws the ball repeatedly while his QB is getting his head pounded in. Meanwhile his best weapon, his RB, runs 13 times for 65 yards. Why not run him more?

Bears 10. Cowboys 5. These teams have two QBs that are legitimately Jekyll and Hyde. Talk about a couple of head cases. I think Romo is better, but every time I defend this knucklehead he tries to throw a two-handed under handed pass while getting sacked and fumbles. He just has to drive his head coach crazy. And his head coach is clueless. The Bears have Mike Tice as a coordinator. I think he believes the football shouldn’t have air in it so you just run it every down. UGLY.

What team haven’t I talked about this week? Oh, those Black and Gold morons. The Steelers. Why does Dick Lebeau continue to change the defense so much when Polamalu is missing. He doesn’t blitz, stays back and lets Carson Palmer throw for 3 TDs. Argghh. It was so hard to watch. And everyone talking about Palmer being great again ’cause he lit up the Steelers. The media hasn’t figured out yet that the Steelers can come up with some terrible game plans and make average players look fantastic. Those cornerbacks CANNOT cover without the pressure from the front 7 and the blitzes so the plan to sit back is foolish. If you don’t have a safety you can trust to cover while Polamalu is injured, then draft another safety.

MAYBE I WAS WRONG: I said no officials lost a game. Then the Monday night game kicked in. And the call was bad, but the regular officials could make that call. And they have. The pass interference on Tate they never call anyway. The simultaneous possession they can’t overturn on replay. And for everyone saying “the regular officials don’t mess up like that” they should check their twitter after Hochuli made a call last year and when that jackass messed up the coin toss in the Steelers-Lions game. So don’t give me that crap. No … I WASN’T WRONG. The Packers lost because they gave up 8 sacks in the first half. 8. And the Packers lost because they had a lead and couldn’t run the ball at all to kill the clock.

I hate when players say “no I am not surprised we are 3-0.” The Cards saying that is laughable. Especially Larry Fitzgerald saying it when he was personally questioning their QB situation before the season.

The funniest thing I saw on an NFL sideline last week was Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow sitting together looking at pics of the defense during the game. I can only imagine the conversation between that considerable brain trust:

Tebow: Dude, why can’t we get color pics. I mean we are the Jets.

Sanchez: Hey dude, when the safety is over the top like that, should I look him off and hit the X or dump it to the check-down?

Tebow: Over the top? Check-down? Huh? Don’t overanalyze it dude, trust in Jesus and me … just run it. Oh … Jesus may not like you. I know I don’t. You better throw it up and pray … I mean hope. You are screwed brother.

Sanchez: Screw you Clipboard Jesus.

Jim Schwartz … crazy coach. Lions go for it on 4th down in OT instead of kicking a FG to tie the game? Then crazy coach Schwartz comes out and says there was a “miscommunication because we didn’t intend to snap. We were going to try to draw them offsides and the ball got snapped instead.” WHAT? But the whole time he is saying this he is looking at the podium and at his nuts and all over the place. Come on man? What kind of outfit is he running in Detroit? Crazy coaches don’t last. He won’t either.

Why do players wear gold chains during football games? What are you sporting bling for when you are playing a football game? Silly.

Michael Vick said they weren’t getting any breaks. LOL. So he gets sacked and fumbles and throws ints like crazy cuz they can’t get any breaks. Vick will never be a great QB. I keep beating the drum and no one will follow. He is a bum as a QB. He can’t read defenses, isn’t accurate and has terrible pocket presence. I bet he doesn’t even work at it still. And he makes excuses all the time. They can’t get any breaks? He is gonna get a couple of breaks if he doesn’t watch some Marino film and throw the ball away.

My best new nickname for a player: Stephen Halfseason Jackson. Who drafts this guy in fantasy? And Why?

Warren Sapp called Brandon Marshall a RETARD. Warren Sapp, a NFL network analyst who just filed bankruptcy despite making $100 million playing and $45,000 a month on his job and has fathered kids by more than one mother is calling Marshall a retard? That is disturbing. Warren Sapp aint worth a darn. He is an overpaid windbag. Why the NFL Network sullies their reputation by employing that guy is beyond me. He is an embarrassment. A Fat, sloppy, not even the least bit funny troll.