By Clouds McCloud
Aquarius: The Chinese New Year began earlier this week and it is now the Year of the Rabbit. Rabbit years are highlighted by creativity, compassion and empathy. Since Aquarians are blessed with an abundance of the first, it may behoove you to work on the other two. And by behoove, Clouds means bring more success, happiness and chances to “hump like rabbits.”
Pisces: The Rabbit is the 4th sign of the Chinese zodiac. Pisces is the 12th sign of the American zodiac. Since 12 ÷ 4 = 3 and the electrical symbol for Ohm looks like a 3, it is your lucky number for the Year of the Rabbit. So, embrace its power and remember this line from Chrissy on Three’s Company: “Oh, I love surprises. It’s funny that you never expect them!”
Aries: The Year of the Rabbit tends to be a placid one, offering plenty of chances to rest and recover from the previous, fairly rough and rugged years (Ox and Tiger). It’s a great year for forceful Aries folks to get it into their gorgeous, yet thick heads, that force usually equals failure, as noted in this advice from Lao Tzu: “Let life ripen and then fall. Force is not the way at all.”
Taurus: The good news is that the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, which began last week, tends to be carefree. The great news is that this will give the handsome, sometimes hard-charging, people of this sign a chance to enjoy hanging out in the pasture, enjoying the deep grass and waiting for all the other cattle to come to you.
Gemini: To help you celebrate the Chinese New Year, please pick your advice from these folks born in previous Years of the Rabbit: Johnny Depp, “I don’t pretend to be ‘Captain Weird.’ I just do what I do.” And Albert Einstein, “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
Cancer: According to Chinese calendars, last week we began the Year of the Dragon … the Year 4709, to be precise. Your lucky numbers are 3 and 7, which are very lucky numbers indeed, especially if your playing poker, strip or otherwise.
Leo: The Year of the Rabbit is a luck-filled one. So to help you lions make the most out of it, be willing to help out whenever asked, no matter how trivial or foolish it may seem, because luck loves when you make someone else feel lucky. After all, luck and effort go together like too much booze and booty knocking.
Virgo: To help you feel the cool ocean breeze of this new Year of the Rabbit (in Chinese astrology), make this a regular part of your routine for the rest of the year: Pour yourself a cool drink and sing along to some Christopher Cross: “Well it’s not far down to paradise, at least it’s not for me. If the wind is right you can sail away and find tranquility. Just you wait and see. Believe me.”
Libra: We just began the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, and in ancient China they believed that the “Jade Rabbit” lived on the Moon. Since Jade is one of your lucky stones, try wearing one for good luck. Jade is also called “loin stone” because it’s good for helping human ailments in the “family stones” area — and Clouds doesn’t know of anyone who couldn’t use some good luck in that area.
Scorpio: To celebrate the Year of the Rabbit, add more Ben Harper to your soundtrack. Ben’s a well-balanced Scorpio, whose music is the perfect accompaniment to this new, mellow Chinese year: Doobie) “Your choice is who you choose to be, and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” Do) “I believe in a few things: God, the devil and love. ‘Cause I’ve looked up from the bottom and I’ve stared down from above.”
Sagittarius: Fellow Sagittarian Frank Sinatra was born in the Year of the Rabbit, which began again last week. So your advice will come from Old Blue Eyes himself: Opening: “The best revenge is massive success.” Encore: “Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.”
Capricorn: The rabbit is the sign of the Moon and is said to never grow old. That’s why this year promises to be like a Sunday afternoon drive. This should come as a great relief to Capricorns, since the last three years have been more like rush hour traffic in LA on a sweltering hot Friday afternoon before a three-day weekend. Therefore enjoy … and no flipping the bird!