Hartley football: Hello there, sweet pea!
Know how I felt after watching another Steeler loss last week? I felt like I’d just eaten a burrito served out of the nastiest food cart in Mexico City and then washed it down by lapping at a street puddle.
Select PICKS. What an ugly year for picks. Maybe I’ll get a few right this week. And maybe not.
Niners 20 Rams 16. The Rams play the Niners tough, but the Niners should prevail. Funny thing is, people are doing to the Niners what I told you is the same thing you need to do to Seattle. Spread their defense out and attack it with multiple formations and wide receivers. You can’t attack their defenses in base sets because they will wreck you. And the Seahawks have teams throwing at their corners still. Spread them out and throw at their LBS and safeties in space. Niners win 20-16, I have enjoyed watching 49er Coach Jim Harbaugh suffer for two weeks. Everyone loves crazy coaches when they are winning. Let’s see how he handles some adversity.
Texans 20 Seahawks 17. The ‘Hawks have a great defense, that for whatever reason, is the only one approved by the league office that can play tough bump and run and jam and hold WRs and not get flagged.
Bengals 24 Browns 16, The Browns won last week wth a third string QB Brian Hoyer in charge. The starter, Brandon Weedin, is benched with a bruised thumb. And I am sure this is one of those “you need some time off Brandon” things where he will NEVER be back.
However, the Browns gave Hoyer the job and forgot to give him specific instructions to lose. I bet the team called his agent after the game and said “Damn. We put him in because we are trying to win the draft rights to Johnny Manziel. Tell him to cut it out.” Hoyer will be sitting out with a “pinky” injury this week and they will sign Brady Quinn.
Giants 23 Chiefs 16. At some point teams will figure out that Chief QB Alex Smith is the only QB in history with alligator arms. He refuses to throw the ball more than 10 yards. He will be solved.
Bucs 20 Cards 19. One team has a QB that has been benched in Josh Freeman and the other team has a QB that needs to be benched in Carson Palmer. The Bucs say they want to trade Freeman … but they won’t give him away. Comical. They benched him, he is a free agent after the season and they think he has trade value? They should take a 5th or 6th round pick if they can get it and move on. Bucs rally behind the rookie QB that NC State used to run Russell Wilson out of town.
Titans 21 Jets 16. IF you think for one minute Jake Locker is leading this team to the playoffs OR that he is a viable NFL QB you have lost your mind.
Redskins 23 Raiders 10. I would pick the Raiders, but starting QB Terrelle Pryor has a concussion.
Broncos 74 Eagles 25. The Eagles can’t spell defense. Jughead Manning pads his stats and makes every talking head at ESPN literally have to untuck their shirts when they stand up.
Chargers 24 Cowboys 20. In a battle of teams which find creative ways to lose, the Cowboys triumph (or lose) here.
Saints 31, Dolphins 17. The Dolphins are flying high. But it won’t last.
I would love to do my “This team is not a 3-0 team” thing, but you should all know by now that you need to wait until week 6 when the real season begins. NFL ‘experts’ love to fill air time with their “Contender or Pretender” segments but it’s too early.
Ray Lewis, Hines Ward, Jerome Bettis … .I can’t stand it when players retire and then dog their old teams about lacking leadership. Shut up. Just because your ass retired doesn’t mean the whole team lacks leadership. Stop it qwith the self-importance.
Ravens WR Jacoby Jones, currently sidelined with a knee injury, was on a party bus and got busted across the head with a champagne bottle … by a stripper named Sweet Pea. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that he is recovering from a knee injury and is on a party bus at all hours of the night or the fact that he got his noggin rocked by a stripper named Sweet Pea. I saw a picture of Sweet Pea and there isn’t any thing that would make you think she deserved to be called Sweet or a stripper. Now that is clearly a lack of judgement, but I don’t know how Ray Lewis thinks his leadership would have kept Jacoby Jones’ dumbass off that party bus.
Lions WR Nate Burleson. Driving by himself at 2 a.m., he gets into a one-car accident and breaks both bones in his lower arm. The report said he hit the median in the highway because he “reached over to stop his pizza from falling off the passenger seat and lost control of the car.” What? That pizza was so good you couldn’t afford to lose it? This one sounds suspicious. HE was reaching for something alright. Maybe Sweet Pea was in his car too. They need a background check on her. She is singlehandedly increasing the IR list in the NFL.
Cowboys WR MIles Austin has a pulled hamstring. They need to put a bungee cord in his hamstrings or something. His hamstring is the Chris Chandler of hamstrings. I thinik Miles Austin pulls a hammy every time he gets off the toilet seat.
Packer QB Aaron Rodgers and Coach MIke McCarthy fighting on the sidelines. Non-story. Happens all the time. But Aaron Rodgers is clearly an arrogant SOB. You wonder why people dog him after they leave the franchise? If it quacks like a duck …
Ben Roethlisberger. Speaking of leadership. I am convinced he is not the guy to lead the Steelers going forward. His big shining moment is the pass he threw to Santonio Holmes in the Super Bowl and he admitted after throwing the ball into nearly triple coverage “when I threw It I thought it was intercepted.” That is Ben. He does s%$# and hopes it will turn out well. He is DONE. The team can’t carry HIM anymore and he is incapable of carrying them. So why have a $18 million salary cap number for him next year? WHO would pay HIM $18 million against their salary cap to put up 15 points a game? You’d have better luck with Sweet Pea at QB.
