HORRORSCOPES
Capricorn: 2019 promises to be a very prosperous, fulfilling and enjoyable year for you. Your keys will be to follow your ambitions while staying realistic, to combat your fears with hope, and to battle self-doubt by accepting your smoking sexiness. If you can do this, it will be one of the best years of your life. If you can’t it will still be pretty good, you just won’t enjoy it as much as you should, even the coital parts.
Aquarius: Don’t let self-doubt or insecurity win this year, even if it’s leading big late in the game. That’s because as an Aquarian you’re great at making comebacks (like Patriot RB and fellow Aquarian James White, who scored the winning TD in the team’s rally from 28-3 down in Super Bowl 51)—and giving comebacks for that matter. Therefore, be sure to trust your instincts, your inner self-confidence and your natural creative side. And use this line when necessary, “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”
Pisces: Friendship and finding the right kind of people to hang out with will be a big a focus in this next year of your life. To help, dump people who sometimes make you feel like you’re down in the dumps and keep people who lift you up, inspire you or make you feel as wanted as a box of donuts at a marijuana-growers convention. While some of these break-ups will be hard, they will ultimately lead to much more happiness in 2019. So please try to sign up for a subscription to your own version of High Times.
Aries: Aries are natural born leaders and this year promises to highlight this trait. While you will have a few challenges, your keys will be to stay positive and hopeful and to do whatever you have to do to stay in that state of mind. If you can do so, this promises to be a year of success and enjoyment. To help, try spending more time in nature and more time going au natural.
Taurus: Your temper may be tested this year, especially during this first month. That’s why it will be important for you to keep your cool. If you can avoid letting little, or even big things piss you off, you’re bound to be rewarded with happy times and success in all areas of your life. To let you know how you’re doing, if you can bite your tongue you’re doing well. If you say things like the following, you’re not, “Someday you’ll go far, and I hope you stay there.”
Gemini: 2019 should be family-focused and should bring some opportunities for a major change or shift in direction for you. If you have trouble with directions, please try to write them down or to use Map Quest. To help with your life quest, take some time to write down your goals for the year. Studies have shown that doing so increases your chances put your feet up and enjoy the view for a while. That’s why this line from Jack Kerouac is your theme for 2019: “Because in the end you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing the lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.”
Libra: Your power to influence others will be very strong this year, so use this skill wisely. If you can play this card well and in the best interest of others, karma promises to kick in and reward you with the relaxed luxury that makes you most happy. Pampering yourself should be a part of your plan for the year as should adopting this line, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can totally avoid altogether.”
Scorpio: Your career should make a lucky leap forward this year, you just have to make sure to stick the landing as health issues could be your only challenge. So stay positive, eat well and don’t let stress get the best of you. Since Clouds favorite cure-all is loving making, make sure to make lots of it and to stay hydrated.
Sagittarius: This will be a very social year for you. Your influence over others will be strong and so will your rewards, so long as you can remain kind and considerate of others. Your benevolence and acceptance of others will lead to some surprising results and rewards. That is why you need to remember that the best revenge is no revenge at all. Just move on and be happy. Most people can screw themselves up well enough without your help.
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